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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

After 1st mediation. Don''t know what to expect

  • fallingapart
  • fallingapart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
20 Jul 12 #344391 by fallingapart
Topic started by fallingapart
Hello wise Wiki''s

Well I had my first mediation appointment this week, I really didn''t want to go but as it was a sole appointment I didn''t find it too upsetting. She explained the process of mediation and I can be funded for it as I am on benefits etc but I still don''t know what to expect from this whole divorce process.

I''m 31 on Wednesday and still in the FMH with 2 children aged 4 and 3. Stbx earns £52k with a final salary pension but don''t know what the CETV is yet.

I am stuck paying all the bills out of my benefits. stbx was paying half of the mortgage as well as csa but has today reduced what he has been paying for the last 7 months by £300 without even informing me.

The house is probably worth £160k max and the mortgage is £130k so about 30k equity I have a small pension of £14k but gave up work 5 years ago when we had our children. We have been married for 8 years in September. stbx is 32. There are also some savings accounts through his work of about £7k altogether that we have paid into.

The mediator said that she can''t see things being settled before Christmas and without seeing his income etc can''t comment. My solicitor has sent a letter just saying good luck with the mediation and let her know when we reach agreement but I haven''t a clue what I should be going for.

I am so scared for me and the children. He is already holed up with OW in a low rent one bed flat in her name so his outgoings are going to be minimal.

Sitting here in tears again as I just don''t know how I even put food on the table in the next few weeks. The mortgage alone is £700 a month thats before all the other bills etc come out. I need 2 new lots of school uniform for September and I don''t even know if we will have a home by them.

Advice please!

  • cookie2
  • cookie2's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
20 Jul 12 #344392 by cookie2
Reply from cookie2
You should ask your solicitor for advice regarding what is a good settlement. That is her job and what you''re paying her for. If you don''t know what is a good outcome then you won''t know what to agree to, and you may agree to something bad. If you don''t know whether an offer he makes is good or bad, then don''t commit to it, say you''ll run it by your solicitor and get back to him.

If his outgoings are minimal then that is good for you, it means any SM claim you make is increased.

If you cannot afford the monthly bills then you should ask your ex to resume the old level of SM, otherwise you will be making an application for maintenance pending suit. If he refuses, then you should ask your solicitor to do exactly that.

In my opinion Christmas is much too long to wait. If things aren''t being settled after a couple of meetings then you should withdraw and make a court application. There is no sense in allowing things to drag out that long.

  • fallingapart
  • fallingapart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
20 Jul 12 #344413 by fallingapart
Reply from fallingapart
Thanks Cookie for your advice. I thought Christmas was far too long to have this hanging over me too.

All this is just so stressful and I''m not coping very well with it all. I am supposed to be taking the children to stay with his parents on Monday for a few days and am tempted to call them and say I can''t afford it now (which I can''t) as its 150 miles 1 way. But I don''t think I can do that to the kids, they are looking forward to seeing their grandparents.

Still crying! After 6 months I thought things would be getting easier not harder.

What happens if I really can''t afford to stay in this house? The rent here is astronomical (south east) where would I stand on moving away from this area totally for much better schools and affordable housing for me and the children?

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