A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Stop the world, I want to get off

  • fallingapart
  • fallingapart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
02 Aug 12 #347051 by fallingapart
Topic started by fallingapart
So the children spent the 1st week of the holidays with stbx''s parents in a different county while I had a break for a few days which was great.

The kids had a ball with their grandparents (stbx wasn''t there as he''s too busy with work apparantly) and I collected them on Saturday. My in laws and I have always had a very close relationship throughout the 12 years I have been with their son, to the point that we used to joke that I was more like their daughter than he their son.

I haven''t heard from them since Saturday which is unusual as they call every couple of days since he left to see how me and the kids are. So tonight I call them up to see how they are and make sure that everything is ok. My MIL sounded a bit down but said everything was ok. She then adds but I have got something I need to tell you so I know something is wrong.

Turns out they have invited stbx and OW up to stay with them in a couple of weeks. I didn''t know what to say. I got upset and just said I''d speak to them tomorrow, I just feel betrayed all over again. Its someone else saying one thing to my face and doing another behind my back.

The prospect of the pair of them sleeping in the bed that I stay in when I am with them makes me feel so sick. I just don''t know how to handle this.

But its so stupid, I don''t want him back, I hate him and don''t want him anywhere near me and as for her, my so called friend that can so easily stab me in the back and wreak mine and my childrens home life so easily without a backward glace. The prospect of them going and having a good time with my in laws makes me just want to never see any of them again.

Feel so sick just writing this, I''ve had enough of this rollercoaster. Just when I think I''m on an even keel and feeling a bit better, something happens and knocks me right back down.

I feel so trapped by everything, I have estate agents in tomorrow as stbx has stopped paying his half of the mortgage so I can no longer afford to keep a roof over our heads. I have to sell and move back in with my parents at 31 with 2 kids under 5. None of this is fair and he gets to swan off into the sunset with the pair of them on £95k between them to live off.

How can everyone just accept what he has done to me and the kids? I''ve had enough and don''t want to do this anymore. I just want to curl up in a ball, go to sleep and never wake up. Feels like I''m trapped in a neverending nightmare with no way out.

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Aug 12 #347055 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
(((hugs))) Fallingapart

Many a time during my 2 year divorce I felt like this, I completely get that you feel betrayed by your parents in laws, & I think they know how you feel. But at the end of the day he is their son & to that end they will (& may not have a choice) other than to accept The OW in his life.

I am sure they don''t want to betray you, but also want to keep a relationship with their son. This is impossible without hurting you, but with time I hope that things will heal for you.

There is an end to it all, honest, I have come out of the other side ... There are bad days, but these are far fewer, money is tight but life is so much better.

What you x has done with the housing situation is just so wrong, basically took the roof from our children, do you have a sols, can you not speak to them & see if this can be halted until all the divorce etc is sorted? Are you getting all your benefits, CSA etc etc?

Hope that things get better for you soon, you just have to hang on in there & they will

Stay strong JJx

  • sillywoman
  • sillywoman's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
02 Aug 12 #347062 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Can you get the DHSS to pay the interest on the mortgage?

Can you get the mortgage changed to interest only?

Has he said why he will no longer pay for the house?

Do his parents know he is effectively making his own flesh and blood homeless?

  • survive
  • survive's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Aug 12 #347064 by survive
Reply from survive
Hugs to you falling apart (((( ))))

As fairy has said, at the end of the day, inlaws will (normally) always stand by the own flesh and blood, whatever.

With regards to the house though, that is different. Don''t just put it on the market. Are you divorced yet? Going through divorce proceeedings? Do you have legal reprsentation or legal aid or are you self repping. If it is the latter then, there are many Wiki''s on here to help you. But please don''t just sell the house with 2 under fives. You may find it could be a totally different outcome if it went to court. At the end of the day, you have 2 children, small ones, I don''t know if you work etc? But you also may be entitled to lots of benefits e.g housing benfit, epsecially given the ages of the children - I appreciate I don''t know the underlying finnacial background so it is difficult to advise. Maybe if you could share a few more details, some of the Wiki''s may be able to advise you the best route

Take Care

Survive

  • fallingapart
  • fallingapart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
02 Aug 12 #347070 by fallingapart
Reply from fallingapart
Thanks for the support everyone, just feeling so low tonight.

I am in the middle of divorce procedings. Have Nisi and waiting on mediation which I really don''t want to do. Stbx thinks I shouldn''t get anything other than CSA and I''ll cope on that with the kids.

He doesn''t see why he should be paying half the mortgage on top of his CSA even though he can easily afford it. He has been living with OW since April in a low rent one bed flat.

I just can''t see my situation ever getting any better. I can''t function properly and at the moment I am a crap parent and I''m scared of the future. I need to be able to function and support my children and at the moment I just don''t know how to do it. Six months in everyone is saying I should be feeling better about everything, but its just getting worse. I am claiming everything I should but even that is sapping my self worth. I have never claimed anything in my life, I gave up my career to support my stbx''s and have our children and to be kicked to the kerb by him and one of my alleged best friends hurts like hell. It just feels like there is a knife in my back that everyone around me is twisting and the pain is getting worse and worse. All my self confidence, self belief and self worth is shattered and I don''t know how to get any of them back. I don''t even know how to be happy anymore :-(or even if I am capable of being happy again.

  • survive
  • survive's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Aug 12 #347074 by survive
Reply from survive
(((falling apart)))

Stay strong, honestly. I''m sure you are a fantastic parent. It sounds like it is early days for you. Six months is nothing beleive me- I am into 3 years and still have very low days. Everyone''s recovery time is different. But 6 months, hey you''re probably just hitting hte reality stage, after the shock and denial.

Keep posting and blog and go into chat, there are many fantastic supportive Wiki''s whi will help you through this.

It sounds like there is all too much emotionally going on for you to even begin with the practical sides. Look after yourself and your children first. The other stuff can wait a bit. Don''t make any hasty decisions.

Survive

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11