Huge mess :-(

On the anniversary of my wedding I posted my divorce petition. I did this on my own without going through a solicitor. I filed on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour - my husband cheated on me repeatedly but denied adultery so I reluctantly had to use these grounds instead. Stupidly I didn''t enclose the payment as I had ticked the box to claim the costs off him and thought that would be ok. The other day my papers were returned to me saying payment was not enclosed.

I''ve since asked him for the money to re-send the Petition, and he refused unless I told him what reasons I used. I told him and he says he will contest the divorce as I''ve cited "violence" as one of the reasons. He was violent to me once after the wedding (during an argument threw a piece of furniture in my direction with great force, but luckily I managed to deflect it in time). He says this was not an act of violence but an act of frustration, and he didn''t mean for it to be thrown at me.

So now I don''t know what to do. If I back down and change the papers, am I even allowed to at this stage? I don''t know if some kind of log is kept and the original Petition I sent has to be sent back. If I don''t back down and send them back as they are, what are the consequences of him contesting it?

I am so confused and upset. I feel I''m being backed into a corner by him. I hate that he is the one who broke up our marriage but he gets to dictate exactly how the divorce is filed.

Just send it back to the court with the cheque. As Petitioner you have to pay the fees but if your costs claim is successful then you can get them back from him later. But you have to pay them originally.

He does not seem to know what contesting a divorce means. A divorce Petition is saying "this marriage has broken down, here is the reasons". Many people think defending means saying "those reasons are not true, it''s actually the petitioner''s fault", but it does not. Defending a divorce means saying "the marriage has NOT broken down". So obviously if he does contest, he will lose, because he does not even understand what contesting means.

Many people say they are going to contest but very few go through with it, because it really is a waste of time and money. Just file your petition as it is, and tell him to take a long walk off a short plank.

yes. if the court sent it back to you because you didn''t enclose payment, your Petition hasn''t been issued yet so you can change whatever you want.

Add in the claim for costs.

I don''t know exactly how you worded the bit about his violence but one option would be to reword it so it says something like the respondent has a volatile temper. On or around [date] he lost his temper and threw a chair, which hit me. This caused me to feel that I was not safe when he was angry

It doesn;''t make any difference *why* he threw it, and a Judge is going to read very clearly what you awer saying (and tyes, that is violence!) but by not using the word or alleging that he deliberately hit you you may save some hassle.

He is extremely unlikely to contest the divorce (and if he does, he will almost certainly end up paying your costs) he amy say he doesn''t agree with your reasons but that doesn''t stop the divorce going through.

Thanks so much for your help I feel really relieved! I am going to keep the voilence reason but re-word slightly.

You can''t use the violence if it is more than six months ago. When you divorce for unreasonable behaviour, all the incidents you list have to have happened in the last six months before separation, or you are seen as having been able to put up with them. So if it happened earlier than that you will have to leave it out anyway.

If he has been seeing other women, say something like ''has inappropriate relationships with other women''.

Best wishes,
Sadie

If its going to delay things and cause an issue is it worth putting the violence in? Perhaps he will be more likely to agree to pay the costs, or a proportion of them, if you don''t use violence as an example.

Is there any evidence of the violence, ie were Police called and an incident created for the throwing of the chair?

You could always just say he has a temper which leaves you feeling afraid.

End result will be the same, you''ll be divorced.

sexysadie wrote:

You can''t use the violence if it is more than six months ago. When you divorce for unreasonable behaviour, all the incidents you list have to have happened in the last six months before separation, or you are seen as having been able to put up with them. So if it happened earlier than that you will have to leave it out anyway.

If he has been seeing other women, say something like ''has inappropriate relationships with other women''.

Best wishes,
Sadie

This was something I had an issue with - however I was advised on here that since he cheated 2 months into the marriage and left after 3 it was ok to use examples that were over 6 months old?