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I wonder if you are "suffering" from the disease to please? Sounds to me that you are a caring and rescuing sort of person from what you have posted and that your wife is the sort of person who wanted that.
One thing that I have slowly learnt during the time I have spent getting divorced and in counselling is that I need to learn to stop firstly the urge to rescue people who ask and also have a good deal more knowledge of my own psycology and what makes me tick.
I had a relatively long marriage but looking back and being honest one of the main things that attracted me to my husband was that he really appeared to need me. Well I was wrong totally wrong.
Love is reciprical and is shown in actions and words. Endlessly loving and supporting one half whilst feeling sucked dry emotionally is no real long lasting recipe for a happy life.
I did ask my ex for a divorce a couple of years before he eventually left me and had an affair. At that point in my life I was so drained and beaten an bruised that I hadn''t even considered it a possibility that I could even get into another relationship let alone get out of my marriage by having an affair.
I think as some posters on here have said whether she is having an affair or not is really irrelevent and I would advise caution of hiring a private detective - firstly on the basis of cost but also bearing in mind she is draining you and has stated catagorically that the marriage is over - what is the point torturing yourself if she is or trying to convince yourself that continuing to try in this marriage is worth it when she is telling you NO?
One day it is just possible that you might find someone really worthy of your love who you can relate to on both an emotional and interlectual level.
Lifes a journey that is for sure and there are very few guarantees in life.
Nigella - Sadly, you are so absolutely spot on. Just one thing to add....I remember reading that a new love interest brings a surge of hormones which put the body on a constant ''high,'' something akin to a drug habit. That is why people do some incredibly insane things when they are engaged in an affair.
Like they say Love Is Blind
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