A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Wife serves me the "news" while abroad

  • Hacked Off
  • Hacked Off's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
06 Sep 12 #354236 by Hacked Off
Reply from Hacked Off
Problem was/is barristers and lawyers went into a spin post Immerman. Yes, they were millionaires but the fall out from that landmark case has filtered down to Jo/Jane Blogs who finds their spouse has something to hide which could impact, albeit in a smalll way, on financial proceedings.
Most often it cannot be disclosed in court.
Been through this myself (found diary notes that ex wife planned to get x amount of money out of me). Inadmissable.

  • soulruler
  • soulruler's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
06 Sep 12 #354241 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
Hacked off

I understand your frustration all round.

Simply point being firstly if you are involed in an emotional and intimte relationship you are bound to stumble acrosss either emotional or in the case of i v t financial information.


Do not let barristers or apparent law cloud your judgment. We all know the fall out that comes from being very imtimate with another person - in this case your spouse.

We also know what it means gernally to trust - start with the contract of marriage which is a contract not written in law by sworn either by religious belief and then signed by way of civil marriage.

I believe that your barristers are mistaken on the realites of marriage, divorce, trust, disclosure ( left it lying around that is not your fault).

  • soulruler
  • soulruler's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
06 Sep 12 #354243 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
I just want to clarify that the imerman v tchenquiz judgment was not about the documents that she produced (she was married and had access by the fact of marriage to those) but it was about the fact that seeing those documents (alot of which on the face of it were public domain as he was a business man and his accounts were in public domain) that there was evidence of BOTH parties being reckless and abusive.

In my view that is why family threw her claim out and gave them the decision that they should not make such decisions.

I do not actually belief that that specific judgemnt should be a red lightn for disclosure, whether by way of partnership (marriage) or by way of order (anton pillar).

what I believe and am attempting to encourage people to establish in their own minds is that the law is discretionary - by which I mean it does not give any person the right let alone to the judge to do what ever they see fit - what judicial discretion means absolutely is that the judge must always abide by Statute, Equity and Tort because foremost he or she is a Crown Servant and has sworn a trust to that effect.

Importantly the obligations of lawyers are the same, that when they graduate from solicitors practice or bar exam that they swear an oath to th law. They do this in order that they can become lawyers in either civil or criminal law.

When they want to gain rights of audience they need to satisfy the same test that they are competent in areas of substantive law.

A little known fact that as a litigant represented by an avodcate eithr in civil or criminal law you are within your rights to object to an argument put to court which you know to be false.

  • Hacked Off
  • Hacked Off's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
06 Sep 12 #354271 by Hacked Off
Reply from Hacked Off
Problem is, Soulruler, time spent in court arguing or disagreeing costs money. My hearing was nottotally ''fair'' but my solicitor/barrister bills were running up so I cut my losses and agreed a settlement.
Apparently, the best outcome in financial matters is where both parties come away feeling they could have done better!
At the end of the day, it''s down to the judge - he interprets the law as he sees fit. I understand Immerman threw a huge spanner in the works. It is still open to debate whether ''something laying around the house'' that belongs to one spouse can/should be viewed by their partner. All I can say is thank God my sh*t is all over. Doubt I will ever marry again.

  • soulruler
  • soulruler's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
06 Sep 12 #354279 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
Hi Hacked off

You had in the american term closure and in the end that was "good" for you; I empathsise with you and also your view on never getting mixed up emotionally with anyone else.

Still dispite the prejudice I have experienced and the delusional beliefs I have had in the past (about myself and others) I still do believe that there is a better way, a reality the Justice will be done and a belief always in not only humanity but also democracy.

You and I and many others on here may be feeling currently in the injustice in the system but remember this that only by going to the appellete courts can judges in the UK have the discretion to exercise their responsibilities in all of this.

Hang in there and stay stong and hold on to what you know to be the truth.

(is that a mission statement? Well I think it is!!)

  • KnowledgeisPower
  • KnowledgeisPower's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
18 Oct 12 #361570 by KnowledgeisPower
Reply from KnowledgeisPower
HI All,

Its been a while since my last post. As of late I''ve been coping quite well actually, hence the stealth mode. My wife and I have been getting along quite well and I have been doing a 180 which she has noticed.

We went on an amazing holiday to the Caribbean for two weeks. We both needed a holiday and agreed that we would just have a good time with no "talking" and just enjoy each others company. Now, it was a bit strange to start with, the big elephant in the room and all that, but we soon relaxed and really enjoyed being around each other. Even enjoying a little kiss and a cuddle. Thinking the holiday would help us move on together and grow closer i didn''t spare any expense and through a large amount of money at the holiday. And to some extend it worked. When back in the UK we finally spoke and she said that she would consider a reconciliation and go to MC when I''m back in the UK in March. Its futile to try do any thing when I am so far away so we are leaving things as is for now.

Things were looking up until.............

We have mutual friends back home. She talks to some of them about private topics, but she made the mistake of trusting someone who has more sympathy for what I am going through and realizes what she is doing is wrong on all counts (well the way she is doing it) and that I deserve to know the truth. She called me up to tell me the day after I left to go back to China my wife sent an email to a man she works with - the email was a naked picture of her with the caption "like my tan lines I got on holiday, thought you''d appreciate them". She then forwarded the mail to me.

Bang ...............

I called her and confronted her (not about the picture as that would put my fiends trust in question)about who this guy was and what was happening. She flat our denied everything. She says he is a friend. We spoke for hours and I intimated I know more than she is saying, trying to get her to be honest, its what I deserve at least, but she wont.

SO my reason for my post is that I am feeling lower than anything in the world right now. I have no idea how to cope with this and to be honest feel the only way I can end the pain is ending my life. Harsh statement I know and I wont do it, but its how I feel. I just cant stop having these really bad thoughts of if I end it the pain will stop. If there is anyone out there that has gone through similar and can help, please do.........please.

Being in China is not easy, no one to talk to, no counselling,nothing. Just me and my thoughts in a hotel room.

The worse part is this is not me. I am one of the strongest, most confident people I know, but this has just floored me and I hate feeling so pathetic and weak. Why I am so surprised I don''t know ....you all warned me and in the back of my head I knew. Just seeing that picture has absolutely destroyed me. Why would she say lets try, then go do that. What type of woman messes with a persons lifelike this?

  • Action
  • Action's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Oct 12 #361577 by Action
Reply from Action
Well, I certainly would not email a photo of myself naked to a ''friend''. In fact, I don''t think I would email one to a lover as who knows where it could end up?

I really do feel for you and I am not surprised you are feeling how you do. You have had your hopes raised just to be stamped down again. It is cruel beyond belief.

I experienced the thoughts that you are feeling right now and it''s a horrid place to be, and I had the benefit of being at home with friends and family. Try and focus on the positives if you can. It might be wise to let your wife stew for a while and worry about what you know. It''s as if she''s playing with you like she would a kitten with a ball of wool. She needs to grow up and decide what she wants, fast.

Look after yourself and keep talking. No-one is worth taking your life for.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 


Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.


Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.


Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.