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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Wife serves me the "news" while abroad

  • soulruler
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18 Oct 12 #361580 by soulruler
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It is one of the things (betrayal) that brings so many of us to wiki. Horrible to hear it time and time again but when someone goes off you and cannot explain themselves there is a 99% chance that someone else is involved.

I fall into the same catagory as you, doing your best to believe in someone when they have not the courage or the decency to tell you the truth. My ex went off with my best friend - they totally denied it to everyone in our social circle but did it blatently in front of my face - nearly drove me insane as when I said anything - which was basically could people not invite my ex and my ex best friend to functions without me as I found it very difficult all I got back was "they are not saying horrible things about you" - work that one out what is horrible about asking people not to invite a husband and his wifes best friend to parties without the wife?:dry:

Hard as it is I think the person in question has done the right thing (not like my old acquaintences which I have nothing to do with anymore).

Feelings that life is not worth living are totally normal - I am feeling like that at the moment but like you would not commit suicide - acknowledging terrible emotional pain - necessary in order to get over it.

I know it can sound horribly patronising but in time you can heal but it does take time and a bit of distance - so maybe in a way it is a sort of good thing that you are so far away.

Hang in there and keep talking and posting on here. You are not alone that is for sure.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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18 Oct 12 #361587 by NoWhereToTurnl
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Oh no, having just read your latest post the memories have come flooding back.

My exh denied anything was going on with the OW who worked with him, she had moved house, his exact words were " I love you, I promise I only see her at work and hardly ever, I have not been to her new house, I don''t even know where she lives".

We then went to Koh Samui Thailand for a holiday, like you, agreeing not to talk about the problems. We had an amazing time, I paid for the whole, very expensive holiday from savings. It was all romantic, we even made love every day. then.......

We had been home for two days when I got a phone call from a solicitor we had meet socially some years before. His elderly Aunt had died and he was selling her house, after arranging a viewing, my husband had introduced himself as "Hi I am XXXX, I am YYYYY''Y partner". He also told me they had bought the house and that my husband was often there overnight, I thought he was ding night shifts!

I did take the overdose, had the cardio respiratory arrest and ended up being artificially ventilated on my own ITU. When I had a further cardiac arrest they were unable to contact my husband so asked the police who found him in OW''s bed.

Please don''t go down the same route, I know exactly how you are feeling and have to tell you that the worst moment of my life was waking up from my coma. They are not worth it, don''t let her ruin your life like my ex has changed mine. You are young, have a good job, could work any where in the world. Gain strength, cut your losses and show her the door.

You deserve better, you deserve someone you can trust with your love.

Thinking about you, sending big hugs and tons of strength to carry you through this.


  • Serendipity100
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18 Oct 12 #361595 by Serendipity100
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Dear Knowledge - just a quick email, to say that SR and NWTT have given you advice I really have to concur with. Just take care and a virtual hug.

  • QPRanger
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18 Oct 12 #361597 by QPRanger
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Hey I also just wanted to say you are not alone: keep posting on here, a lot of us understand what you are going through.

Your mutual friend has done you a huge favour: at least now you KNOW the truth and, as hard as it may be, can decide the best way forward for you and your kids.

Keep strong mate.

  • Dazed
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18 Oct 12 #361602 by Dazed
Reply from Dazed

Just wanted to add my support. This is a truly awful time & I remember that constant sick feeling too well. I remember literally running around the house screaming, wanting the pain to just stop. I couldn''t sleep, couldn''t eat & I did think about driving my car head on into a tree & had lots of thoughts about ending it. A very very dark time indeed so I totally sympathise with you.

The way these people behave is despicable & very often, the lies are just a way to buy themselves a bit more time to see if the new "relationship" has legs. My ex deployed this tactic for almost 2 years - refusing to end his affair, but keeping me danglin g and hoping. It almost finished me off & what was so heartbreaking was that this person I loved so much ended up to be so completely self serving.

I did manage to crawl out of the hole though & things are better now. Lean on us - we understand. Hang in there - you deserve so much better & you will have so much better, in time.


Dazed xx

  • julie321
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18 Oct 12 #361604 by julie321
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I have felt the same as you but my kids keep me going. Past those terrible days now but still have the odd wobble. So many people have been treated so badly it is beyond belief.

I don''t think I could put my faith in anyone again, much better on my own, at least I know I can rely on me but I am an old cynic, you are young and able to start again. Good luck.

  • CaringParent
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18 Oct 12 #361626 by CaringParent
Reply from CaringParent

if you wish to have your kids with you, pease pack up the job in China and come back.
I know u will find contracts here too.

You need to ensure that you are with your kids, else you will loose custody battle.

Please get involved in their care now.

U are too nice a man
That u do not even want to challenge her openly
U love her hopelessly
Mate but
Problem is she is ready to leave you

If she leaves with kids, u wd be broken

Decide on flight, after thinking hard, can u forgive her ????
If yes, then do so, but be here

Either ways for ur kids having u in their life u can not be a absentee father who just makes money

Keep calm
She is caught
She will be frightened
Talk face to face
Do not loose temper

I am soo sad to hear of ur experience

It will be ok
Come back pls


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