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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Financial procedings. At what stage?

  • amefbi
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11 Aug 12 #348750 by amefbi
Topic started by amefbi
I will be Selfrepping. Stbx sols is advising him on what he wants te hear without knowing what the real financial issues is. That he wont have to pay me SM as he is 61yrs, and she will draft our agreement pension sharing (worthless to me but I agree) and I keep the house(no equity,huge mortgage) I agree to keep the house even if its not an asset to me but liability.

I don’t need advice on the pension and house now. But his attitude that I have a house and shares his pension and he walks away with nothing, how can I expect to claim more(SM), Im crazy. He is moving out and will only pay 6mths househould bills then Im on my own. He has no insight or understanding that Im not better off as I have a mortgage of £106,000 to pay. He argues sell the house on auction if you cant afford it.
I cant work since 2006, disabled, no income, 58yrs, he earns about £45 plus his retirement 12K. per annum currently,

He is not aware that Im going to fight my case on his dishonest, deceitful ways and intentionally ruined our finances and future. I know he will not disclose any of this on his forms. He believes its gonna be a Clean Break (I don’t). Married 40yrs. Im also going to claim Maintanance Pending Suit as soon as I receive his Petition.

What I do want to know is.
At what stage of the divorce proceedings will I be able to give evidence and proof of this.
Will I have the opportunity to state my case and records I have since 2008 to date in court,and at what stage in the divorce proceedings?
Or do I give his sols the evidence I have and when? so she can inform her client why Im claiming on financial issues. His sols has no clue whats going on and can only advise her client what he says.

I know he is going to become aggressive about this…do I keep quite and state my case in court or are these kind of financial issues dealt with between me, Selfrepping and his Solicitor and when.

And can somebody pls help me to draft a letter that he can sign that he is responsible for all costs for divorce, that he agreed to..or do I ask his solicitor I want this letter.

  • soulruler
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11 Aug 12 #348776 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
What sort of proof do you have that he has been deliberatly disipating marital assets and running up debt?

sounds like he is in to bullying tactics, 58 and 61 is not a big difference in age, the mortgage as you know is huge when you are on a limited income (I am assuming you are on disability benefit so you should have a right for consideration under section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act which should take this into account).

As you are self repping make sure that you keep your filing up to date, get yourself an arch lever file (if you haven''t already) and file all correspondence and e-mails in date order.

It beats me why some solicitors advise their clients the way they do.

I think you are a candidate for an MPS, maintenence pending suite just to cover the mortgage and bills if nothing else.

What he and his solicitors seem to be missing at present is that he is as liable under the terms of the mortgage as you are and also if you start to default (which in a way I would recommend - looking back I would not have bust a gut to pay my huge mortgage £176,000 which was capital and interest repayment and my monthly payment mortgage alone was £1,400 a month - the first year of my divorce nearly killed me but did set the scene for what abuse happened next).

  • amefbi
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11 Aug 12 #348815 by amefbi
Reply from amefbi
He has always been irresponsible with money and all our marriage life I was in control of all our financial decisions. He was employed,stil is, but I was director of 2 businesses and highest earner. He never even had any clue or interest what our outgoings was, never open a letter/post, or how we lived the highlife.

We arranged his Pensionfund to stay until one day needed. He went ''on pension'' in 2006,received the lumpsums and since then retirement per annum, without my knowlegde. He is stil in employment currently.
This lumpsum could''ve given us a mortgage free property today.This pensionfund would''ve been 10times more today if he did not arrange his retirement.

I became ill in 2006 and cannot work anymore,DLA £298 and he was going on holidays, alone and spending huge amount of money. Till today in 2012 he tells met to go and work if I want of need money, Im just lazy, nothings wrong with me.
We had Life and Endowment policies as well. I used all my savings paying this and in 2008 he had to pay them. We lost them as well.

Our outstanding mortgage is £106,000, joint, he has to pay half £53,000, The lumpsum of pension was £90,000. His retirement per annum is £10-12,000. He doesnt need this as he earns 45K. I want him to pay this retirement money for next 4-5 yrs at £10,000 per year on the mortgage outstanding, that will reduce my mortgage on house to about £70,000

I am going to claim MPS but its huge agressive arguments when I mention SM, I might only get this for 4-5 yrs or less as he is 61, Its gonna take time to claim any benifits for my survival.

  • soulruler
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11 Aug 12 #348818 by soulruler
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Well that is a tail of woe and I am not surprised you intend to fight back.

Your husband sounds a whole load like mine, the only difference between yours and mine that mine managed to do the "right" thing and leave me earlier than yours is leaving you.

I too took all the financial decisions, set up three businesses which I took a major part in running (he then left and with our business partner cut me out of them), I used to be a financial adviser before starting a building business so all the marital pension (not a great sum) but all of it was invested in his personal name (and I arranged SIPPS and into good funds, arrrh rant rant, it sounds like you get on here and read the same sort of story over and over again sometimes from men sometimes from woman.

Anyhow, look at my post about section 37 of the matrimonial causes act. Get yourself a good degree course book on Family Law where you will find section 37 explained in good detail.

Generally in Law you can go back 7 years in making a claim. So although section 37 generally applies to dispositions made 3 years before separation I think bearing in mind the dishonestly and withholding what he had done to the pension money, all the other details you should just do your best to put in your best case.

Has a Petition for divorce been lodged with the court?

  • amefbi
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11 Aug 12 #348827 by amefbi
Reply from amefbi
I have been following your post with great interest,and have gained knowlegde from this site. I know I have the Law and common sense or facts on my side. I just dont always understand all the terms/ english words or meanings and what happens when, and do many googles, quite time consuming :)

Im waiting for my Petition and said he can name anything he wishes to on my UB, I will defo sign..I know its gonna be a lot of B****t,..I just care about the financial issues and that I will be able to support myself.

He just informed me he is moving end of this month..yeeehaaaaa !!!! but wont pay gas/elec, I can get a meter card, cancel the house phone and Sky, the internet..these acc are all on my name, he will find this out when he tries, lol. but he can stop the Direct debits from his acc.He will only pay mortgage for 6mths.

Tried to argue with him that he cant just stop paying, and he is forcing me to claim MPS immediately then...he exploded. When I told him he can go to prison if he has no respect for the law, he warned me that I will regret the day if I ever go that far that he in jail.

This man is really mental and needs to be institionalized. Anyhow thanks that I am allowed to rant and rant and sound unstable but my head is spinning with all these ups and downs.

  • MrsSadness
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11 Aug 12 #348888 by MrsSadness
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Amefbi, I too have followed your posts and appreciate that English may not be your mother tongue: but well done for your fighting spirit and doing all the research you have done!

So as far as I am aware, you were R in previous Petition in 2008, and now are going to the R to this new one? yes, no? I do realise that things are very hard for you right now since your illness started in 2006. Forgive me for saying, but only trying to help, can you not find the funds for a litigation loan, and yes, fully clued up re your m/g as much as I could make sense of it. Some ambiguities in there.....

Do you want my two-pennies? I really think you need professional help. If you are on DLA you may qualify for Legal Aid, new name now though and not free but I should imagine you would get given what you have said.

What do others think? Me, newbie, of just a few weeks, but I think you need to be the P not the R given what you have told us, long marriage 40 years, worked in business, 3 sons of the marriage? Cann they not help you? So seems you are now R under UB - and no, some snippet of comfort, your husband cant just ''say what he likes'', though to get the divorce moving, you are prepared to sign, under you being R under UB with him saying and you accepting ''he likes'' ????? other more experieced Wikis, please step in to give better more advised advice.

Last thing..... why are you yet again a R not the P. Puts you at a disadvantage.

I don''t think I can offer any more support to you than I already have tried to do on this and previous posts.

sts. I really do think you need representation, if there are international aspects to your 40 year marriage, businesses, properties, children of the marriage?

But you have my good wishes and hope it all works out for you. Just trying to help!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,

I am trying to do my wording for my own D8 under UB. Funny, I reply to so many people, but think I have only ever had the nerve to start my own thread. This is what DV - as in domestic violence not divorce, does to you, but the latter also applies.... you lose your confidence, in both the scenarios....

but thanks to this fantastic site, getting some back some of it..

I am not able to post my UB reasons: hough would love to help others as a template if nothing else. Sadly I am in fear of the man, I am a bit paranoid he will be on here as a ''guest''. And remember victim of DV here, so have to be so cautious by that alone. So I can''t post publicly my UB reasons. Just hope I worded it ok, for judge to pass it. And then starts the whole AR, or Financial Remedy, as now called. Now that''s going to be a nightmare.

When all this is ''over'' though, will post more unguardedly: I do not want to be identified by STBX. Best end here. Said too much as is..

Soul-ruler - you were one of those kind people who either welcomed me on this oh so great site, or answered a post to one of my first posts.
someone like you,imbued with court processes galore, and I hope it gets sorted out eventually for you. I really am in aww to have read your back posts, what you are going through and have done, mostly self- repping too!

Such a basic - but I am a bit scared, and you have been through it all, I think the term is ''respect'' bowing!!!!

ok, I don''t even know if my D8 wording will pass under UB..... I can not post publically..

But that, am about to present my D8 ( told you I was a baby!) But I am self repping, as you do... respect, again! LOL

So how the hell do you get more space on a D8..... I appreciate you pop in an A4 note, thanks to stumbling upon post sent by Dukey.

I am abiding by protocol as to keep it as short as can be, but hey, I need a continutation sheet, and don''t know how to head it, or how it''s referred to on Form D8. Not a book, but due to my hmm, I would chose the adjective, unique situation, I need a continuation page!!!!

I so apprecaite this great site, that so helps all of us. I really am in awe of you though, SR - I have read your posts, clearly still going through it and to be self-repping as well. But you still you pop in here to help newbies like me,
without a - won''t swear, but begins with an F...... clue about simple first hurdle re divorce. I don'' suppose you could write back, could you, and
let me know what is a simple thing - for someone like you!!! Hhow the hell to start a continuation page for UB, on D8 could you?

Many thanks, - sorry Amebi. I have hi-jacked your thread. Ever so sorry, but once I get going, and all that.... sorry though, but you may find some of this helpful..I really do feel so sorry for you, and hope you get yourself sorted: my feelings are though that you really should try to find out ways of employing a solicitor.

I will be posting in Self-Rep shortly, you may want to pop in there and see what I am doing about MPS, the thing that you would like to apply for too?

SR, awesome posts - just read your thing about S37, so helpful to all of us on here, in same boat: I know the title. what it was about, but sadly, have to keep myself constrained at the mo - in what I say. But also very helpful, cheers!

I need to go and get something to eat now, and watch the Olympics.... been on here most of the day..... so fed up of it all.
I think I am still in a state of disbelief, to be honest. Stuff I found out about him over the intervening...

But anyway, hot date with the ironing board now, get a pizza, and watch the diving and Tom Daley on the telly.

I think I have hi-jacked your thread, Am, my apologies! Take care all out there, all who may read this.

Bye - and hug to Am. ( will be posting in self-rep next week if I can finally get the nerve to post my D8, that is! LOL.) Ok, you take care now.

  • amefbi
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12 Aug 12 #348952 by amefbi
Reply from amefbi
Sadness, no problem I appreciate your input and concern for others, and so many are in the same boat. Every little helps, I just regret that I did not find this site in 2008 but ever since then Ive been going through all the emotions, anger, hatred, crying, lost my confidence, feeling low and helpless, but Hey Im strong and back again.

OMG, he just told me few minutes ago, he is not leaving, will call his sols, cancel his flat, we can go on living as we have been, he had no sleep last night,( I have sleepness nights for 6yrs) was thinking of the dog, he cant do this to the dog (?????)..Its my sharpei dog, all Ive had to talk to and cuddle for 5yrs. I was joking yesterday and asked what arrangements are we making for our dependant, will he have him 2nd weekend, holidays and I will have to claim for dogs medicals and food. He’s not allowed animals at his new flat. He is really mental this man, 2mths ago the dog was bleeding, needed surgery, I cried my eyes out for 3days begging him to give me the £300 while my dog was suffering, when I called him that I will have to put my dog down, he then gave me the money.

So 3mths after sols letter May 2012 he’s not divorcing me again. But this time I will divorce him, told him Im going through with this. That’s why I keep on changing from R to P and even telling him I’ll agree to UB on whatever he says, as long as I can divorce him.

Yesterday with great effort and arguments I was trying to show him that I’ve been trying to claim E&A, dissability and even Jobseekers in 2009 when I wanted to leave him and all was denied because we are married, his income. And it takes time for any benefits and why I have to claim SM, he became so aggressive again and I think he was not happy to hear that I have been trying to divorce him.

For 6yrs he will not listen or let me talk about my health issues, had no caring or support from him, just verbal abuse that I am lazy, go and work if I needed money. Today he cant leave me as I cant support myself or stay on my own???? Today for first time in 6yrs I told the Bas***d, that he never even new that I was lying in bed for 3 days without food, as I could not move, had to call the neighbour to please bring me sandwich and flask coffee, the back door will be open etc…No he will change, he will give me £30 per week, for my personal needs (hahaha), to little to late …well sorry, I want to divorce.

Sadness I did try the Legal Aid but did not like her attitude, and my impression was she will take her time, as Im then one of the ‘’benefit cases’’. After finding this site I know I will be able to Selfrep and get this done and over with. I will use a Solicitor to draft a letter for Financial claim, Ancilliary or MPS if I need to. But the rest I can do myself.

Unfortunately I don’t have any friends here as I have not been in contact with anybody in 6yrs, I became housebound, staying in my room, only left house 10mins for dog each day, and dokters appointments. My children are tired of us fighting and divorcing since 2008, and he has been telling them and convincing them Im to lazy to work and not ill at all. school with this friend my husband gave the pension lumpsum and doing all the wheelings and dealings. I know my children cant believe that I have become so pathetic and helpless and depressed as they know I always turned any negatif into a positif and nothing ever got me down in life.

And btw…husband and sons are men, LOL, to fight against 4 men? Their emotions are different and understanding of womans depression??? Zero. I have always lived for my children giving them everything we never had, just the best, we were very close, I was always there for them. Husband never and today my children have their own lives and I feel rejected and bitter and all was well when I had money, no they don’t need me anymore, it was about money. Same with husband it was about the money I earned in my business. Now Im worhtless to them, they don’t need me anymore.

I have one property abroad, and sold everything else or gave it away. My savings I used to support us in UK and myself till 2008, Paid huge deposit on FH and made changes for my dissability needs in house. Abroad currency to pounds where very little money that time, 18-1pound. He cant get his hands on this property its not part of marital issues…It now only his pension and house in UK…and the SM that I want to claim. Straighforward case I believe.

So it seems to me that I will now be petiotioner again, that much better I know. My UB will I mention his abuse and my hardship. If he does not leave by end of month or receive the Petition. But I WILL divorce him this time. I have my confidence back and a voice again, and he cant handle this that he cant control me anymore.

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