Hi all - some of you may be familiar with my situation, but quick synopsis is case of DV and I am going to Petition him on grounds of UB. For anyone not aware, one can only cite examples within the last 6 months up to date of seperation.
In my case, there was a genuine seperation - left week after the last incident of DV, and been apart since. Moral to this? if you are going to divorce, don''t hang about like I have. He has had opportunity now to dissapate our assets, but at the time I was nursing my wounds and buried my head in the sand.
Ok, finally going to do my D8 this week - please nag me, if I still haven''t submitted it by Friday!!!!
It is hard re the wording - for in my case, DV started the day he married me, and putting up with it as long as I did ( this is a long marriage) could look to a judge that I colluded in it, ie, that how could I suddenly object to it. Therefore it has needed carful wording to imply that his behaviour ''recently'' changed. I have simply said it got worse - it is a bit annoying though that because I stayed so long - since I meant my vows, I have now got to make out the DV only ''just'' started happening in the last 6 months.... I want to tell the judge and the whole world what he was doing for 15 years!!!
My fault, for putting up with it. But herein lies the problem - wording it ''just so'': I don''t want it stayed by the court and sent back to me!
The reasons themselves are ok, just getting the impression correct that the UB only started within the last 6 months of the marriage. I have used words like ''since'' and ''in the last few months of the marriage.'' ( when deep down I am screaming, he was always like it!) I have sort of gone for a ''change'' of behaviour, when truth is, he was absuive from day one, but I was too much of a fool to see it! But they grind you down, abusive partners until you are left with no self-esteem etc.... but anyway.
Certainly makes it more difficult to do it under UB after a prolonged seperation.. And yes, I know I could do it on two years sep with consent, but a) two years not up yet, and b) he is dissipating assets as I speak so there is some sense of urgency now I have woken up from my deep depression and realised! c) last thing I want is for him to petition me! So it has to be UB for expediency, in my case!
I have waited too long - so that''s my advice for anyone in same boat - once it''s over, it''s over, and don''t bury your head in the sand like I did!
I just hope I get the petition through - I am right in thinking - sorry another question - I can submit the Form A at same time. I''ve been talking about this to anther poster - court procedure doesn''t seem to be consistent throughout the country - I am in the North West. A D11 doesn''t not seem to be needed by my local court just the Form A, plus the fee of course! Having said that, got two different answers from two different receptionists! So still non the wiser! I will fill in a D11 I think, just to be on safe side! Just the bog standard - asking for Directions one, isn''t it????? ( Mrs Clueless here!)
Many thanks for listening: I find it soooo cathartic to be in here. I am also guarded as to what I say, since am a bit paranoid he could see this without even joining.... but that''s just my paranoia, I suppose. Hence I can''t post my reasons for the expert wikis to kindly have a look at, for fear of identification. I will just have to take my chances, I think! As soon as the D8 and Form A is in, I will be able to speak less guardedly, so bear with me! Let''s just hope the judge passes it! Else it will be another 90 pounds and more headache!
Ok, not an expert but I am also divorcing my husband on unreasonable behaviour for dv. I am going through a solisitor, so I told her my reasons and she drafted it for me. But she didn''t do anything to make it sound like it was a recent change in behaviour. I mean, it doesn''t make sense for it to have to be a change in behaviour. For example, if someone was abusing you to the point you were going to hospital for injuries on a monthly basis for ten years, a judge is hardly gonna turn round and say, well you put up with that treatment for ten years, so why were the last 6 months any worse? My undstanding is, that the 6 month rule if we can call it that, is to ensure that the behaviour is recent, not an isolated incident happening years ago, or a behaviour that the respondent has already recognised as unacceptable, changed and not repeated.
So, for wording, my solisitor worded mine as a general behaviour followed by a specific dated example. Eg, "x" could not be left alone with their baby due to his anger being triggered by the baby (general) In oct 11 Petitioner walked in on him holding the baby as if ready to shake baby (specific, recent example)
That''s not copied from my form, but you get the idea, I hope.