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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Property & Loan - STBX ignoring....

  • Kittykatt
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15 Aug 12 #349684 by Kittykatt
Topic started by Kittykatt
Hi Guys,

I was wondering if anyone could help or has had a similar experience.

I am petitioning and the Absolute is able to be processed next week - however I am holding off from doing this until we have a CO in place.

I have been in touch with my STBX the last few weeks in order to try and fairly come to an agreement about our MH and a loan that is in joint names. Although contact is hard I didn''t think it made sense to spend money on solicitors unnecessarily to communicate as neither of us can afford it plus I have really been trying to make sure all is fair.

Over the last few weeks it he has basically gone back and forth - one minute he will discuss and the next ''he cant cope''. I spoke with my solicitor and a letter has been sent to him for us first of all to disclose our finances - the letter was non threatening and we also agreed months back that we would use one solicitor just to write up the CO to save costs.

I text him a week ago to say the letter was on its way and that if he has any questions to let me know (trying my hardest to be civil and calm when this is taking its toll on me in a very big way). Anyway i simply got a text back saying he cant cope and that''s been it.

The solicitor has given him 14 days to reply (or asked him to reply in 14 days) but I am concerned that he will just ignore and drag this out. The only option I then have I believe is to go to Court which makes no sense at all with regards to what we are actually talking about money wise!

I have also tried to speak to his mum who I had a really good relationship with but that hasn''t got me very far.

Anyone had a similar experience and have any ideas??? I am hoping he will reply to the solicitor or that I will hear from him about it but I have a feeling he wont....

Thanks Kx

  • maisymoos
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15 Aug 12 #349685 by maisymoos
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I haven''t had a similar experience but it sounds like you should at least get the Form A into court to start the process. Your ex may realise "the can''t cope" answer is no longer a realistic one. It doesn''t mean you have to go through the full court schedule but will perhaps get him to agree a Consent Order sooner rather than later. If you self rep at First Directions hearing costs can be kept to a minimal.

  • Kittykatt
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15 Aug 12 #349688 by Kittykatt
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Thanks MaisyMoos that helps, am trying to stay calm and keep it together and try not to stress about money on top of everything else!

Much appreciated :)

  • LittleMrMike
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15 Aug 12 #349709 by LittleMrMike
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Miasymoos is right.

I am sorry to have to say this, but on wiki we get people who mess around, ignore all letters and do ***** all, simply for the same reasons as you - namely that you want to avoid Courts and would like to settle by agreement - and then do *** all to reach an agreement.

Unless you get the procedure in motion there is very little you can do to force him to co-operate. Your solicitors can write any number of letters ( and you''re paying for them ) but you cannot force him to file a form E unless you have set the procedure in motion.

I always give people the same advice. Namely, when your spouse is playing silly beggars, and simply will not co-operate, or refuses to take part on a meaningful negotiation, or will not enter mediation, you are stuck, banjaxed, snookered, and the only thing you can do is, bluntly, stop messing about, File your Form A, set the procedure in motion, don''t waste your money trying to negotiate with someone who will not play ball, and get the matter before a judge as soon as you can.

Your ex will find out soon enough what happens if he treats a judge the way he is treating you.

Look, I''m sorry to be so blunt, it''s not in my nature. But speak to your solicitor and I''ll be surprised if (s) tells you anything different.

Sorrrrreeeee - - - -

LMM

  • Kittykatt
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15 Aug 12 #349722 by Kittykatt
Reply from Kittykatt
Thank you LittleMrMike - my sol said if he ignores the letter the only option I have is court basically and if he chooses to ignore that then I will automatically ''win'' - if you can call it that!

I am hoping he will come round but it''s looking doubtful, don''t even have the energy to be angry anymore! Iv had the whole ''I love you and care'' etc... (it was my choice to end it) but it''s clear he doesn''t give a damn as you wouldn''t put someone you care about through this. whatever has happened between us I was hoping we could both be adults and avoid the costs of courts which basically means we will spend more in costs then what we are fighting for! Madness.

I shall give it the 14 days as per the letter and then go from there.

Thanks again :)

  • amefbi
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15 Aug 12 #349758 by amefbi
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LMM, dont be sorry, your reply has been what I needed. My stbx is also one of these. Same attitude.

We cant agree, will never and his sols can only advice him on what she is told. And thats so far from the reality.

I will Selfrep and I want a Judge to make the decision on our finances, and in the quickest shortest way possible.

He needs a wake-up call seriously. He is moving out in 2 weeks. Im not playing these waiting games anymore.

btw..people always think Im abrupt or rude when I speak, but Im really not,and then Im loud as well and too direct. But its how I speak English,cant express my feeling properly... I do sound sweat and soft in Afrikaans.:))

  • LittleMrMike
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16 Aug 12 #349794 by LittleMrMike
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Kittykat - the danger for your husband is that ignoring the requirement to file a form E may mean one of two things.

They could in theory send him to prison but that does nobody any good. In the final analysis, if the judge has no information he may have no choice but to go on whatever information you can give him, or make assumptions as to his means based on his lifestyle. Those assumptions of course, may be ( and could very well be ) exaggerated, but it does at least force him to produce the evidence.

Mike

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