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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Property & Loan - STBX ignoring....

  • downland
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27 Aug 12 #352218 by downland
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Can add another one who refuses to answer - but in this case consider it a control thing not head in the sand. Last letter over 6 months to reply, timescale for response given on letter just going out and if no reply then have to be court. Life is too short to waste ................

  • upbeat
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28 Aug 12 #352247 by upbeat
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I agree with shoe girl, if you can slow the process down and think you can get an agreement then do so and try resolve without the courts :)this is not an easy process by far nor to be taken lighty but if its your only resort as it was in my case then means must!!!just to say it''s a ***** certainly if the other party does not co-operate the advice and processes are just not there or very confusing for someone LIP''ing. I have had very different opions form many different legals (as I call them solitors ect) but all you can do is your best :)this site is very good because after all when you go to a solicitor all they do is give you the information (law, expectations of outcomes ect) and then YOU make the decision and advise them as to your decision from the information they give you, So this site is brilliant.
The one main advantage a solis has is that they know what forms and where to find the information,forms procesess to fight your case. before I found this site I had already said that once mine all sorted I would try and help others because of the struggles that I have had. I held back on putting posts as I spoke to someone who told me that if they were the barrister up against me i would be annihilated if LIP''ing aginst them, and it totally knocked my confidence but then I spoke to anther who said you have no worries :? very confusing as I said.... i''m still here and have to do this myself with or without the help from the wiki''s (not knocking it at all by the way as I said at the begining) so if i can help anyone with the limited experiences I have been through then I will. I still have many questions that i will be interested in peoples responses that i will be posting over the next few days take care all xxxx

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28 Aug 12 #352249 by upbeat
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oh and forgot to add this is not about winning or losing, If you accept when you enter this process that you may not get what you want (I have resigned myself to the worse case senario and said well what will be will be) The last call is up to the Judge. and if you enter this then be prepared to accept their judgment.Or be prepared to go through it all again in a court of appeal :?

WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST BE ADULTS AND GET ON?????

  • Kittykatt
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28 Aug 12 #352324 by Kittykatt
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Shoegirl, that is helpful thank you, I can see the sense in doing that however I really don''t want to drag out this process, although I seem to be running out of options. As an update (I did post on here for help but no-one responded) I found out last week that he has quit his job and is going to try and make a go of his part time job as a full time time (self employed) - this means he has very very little income and although I am waiting to find out I think any savings he had he has spent (he had very little).

I have really tried to keep it all amicable and I have been ''nice'' when all I feel like doing is telling him to grow the *bleep* up but he is (supposedly) depressed (I say supposedly as he is a compulsive liar as you will know from our past conversations) and he doesn''t care about the finances and doesn''t want the divorce.

Last week I lost my patience and just told him to communicate via solicitors (which we were avoiding due to costs) but whatever I do, try or say it doesn''t seem to make a difference. He is feeling sorry for himself and in that he is doing things that hugely affect me. I am in the house paying the mortgage and we have a loan together and i am paying it all cause I have no choice. I have no idea what conclusion can come from this now IF he truly has no money. On top of this all I am just trying to deal with the fact that someone that supposedly ''cares'' about me is quite happy to leave me in the sh*t financially and be completely unfair.

As it stands the first letter from my sol has gone out (for financial disclosure) and I am waiting to see if he will reply, he has said he will now so if he does at least i can see for myself what he does and doesn''t have. If he is bring truthful I am screwed!

Sorry for the long rant - struggling at the moment! x

  • Fiona
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28 Aug 12 #352407 by Fiona
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How long have you been separated? Giving someone time to adjust to the emotional realities of divorce means more constructive progress can often be made more quickly and cheaper than trying to push things along quickly. Court proceedings take at least 9 months or longer if no agreement can be reached and the case goes all the way to a contested hearing.

Sometimes people with their heads in the sand are overtaken by events (e.g. they find a new partner or realise that they may be liable for capital gains tax if they moved out of the former matrimonial for three years) and suddenly they are in a hurry to reach a settlement. In our case it took at least 10 months for letters to turn around until the last couple of months before we reached agreement.

Every case is different and it''s one thing someone not being able to cope and/or sticking their head in the sand and quite another just being obstructive or manipulative.

  • Kittykatt
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28 Aug 12 #352418 by Kittykatt
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Hi Fiona,

Thank you for your response. We separated in October last year (he moved out of the MH)and then we went back and forth until March time this year when I cut all contact (for both of our sakes)I have been the one doing the divorce myself to save us both costs.

We don''t have children and don''t really have a lot to sort - the house we jointly own (that I am in and paying fully myself as he couldn''t afford too so I didn''t really have a choice) which is in £18k negative equity and a loan of £10k. However he is now saying he cant pay anything as he has walked out of his job.

I do understand that it is difficult emotionally (it has nearly destroyed me on a few occasions) but I need to be able to move on with my life also and experience with him shows me that he never actually deals with things so we would be likely to be in the same position next year even if I did leave it. There is also the huge point that I can''t trust him at all therefore I really need to safeguard myself (not sure if that''s an option) ASAP.

*sigh*

thank you again :)

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