Mediation - What is fair and reasonable

Going to mediation to attempt to sort out separation arrangements, both children and financial.

Married for 13 years (lived togther for two years prior to that).

2 Children

I went on a 5 year year career break to care for children. Wife able to focus successfully on career and has been/is major breadwinner. Current wage triple that of mine.

I took work and still work in a position that allows me to collect the children after school

Joint homeowners. Property not valued but estimate £130,00-£150,000 equity.

Does anyone have experience of mediation and what a fair and reasonable expectation may be for each party in respect of the children and financial/maintenance? I am learning fast that no-one wins in this situation but you don''t want to get shafted either. A fair and reasonable outcome has to be the goal.

We would need more info I am afraid:

1. Your respective ages
2. Ages of all children and how long they will spend with each of you. If this is not decided yet then what are your and your wife''s views on the matter?
3. Your respective incomes
4. Value of the house and outstanding mortgage amount, and the same for any other properties owned by either of you
5. Each of your pensions CETV
6. Any other assets such as savings, shares etc, both sole and jointly owned
7. Any debts such as credit cards, loans etc

Both 43, children 12 and 10, time spent with each is undecided, but want to co parent so alternate weekends definately and I would like them at least one, preferably two, days in the week aswell.

Monthly incomes, mine £1,105 hers &3,300.

Property somewhere between £280,000 and £300,000. Mortgage £150,000.

My pension was frozen when career break taken around £4,000 pa. Currently paying into another scheme with new employer (4 years)but value will be small. Wife has final salary Government employee pension, value not known but will be very reasonable.

No savings or shares.

Overdraft on joint account £850, Credit card, for which I am liable £2000. Credit card for which wife is liable approx £600.

Could anyone give a view with this. Thanks

Is either of you in a current relationship which might take the pressure off a sale?

Me, no. Wife had an affair which I discovered. Says its over but we barely communicate and I have no idea if she is currently seeing anyone else.

Information gathering, you have responded to cookies post.

Being fair in mediation does not mean rolling over to a potential abuse.

It is possible that she thinks you are stupid! In the words of the Freedom Programme "I think not".

How long is it since you separated? How long do you think that maybe the affair was going on? Where is your spouse living now? Do you know the circumstance of the OM? If you do is he married, any children? What is his earning capacity?

There is I believe a distinction between what settlements can be produced in court as evidence if mediation fails and what evidence can be produced in court if mediation fails.

Your wife or you may come to a decision in mediation and that decision is not admissible in court due to the non prejudiced nature of extrajudical (which means out of court) negotiations.

However, disclosure as evidence is admissable as it is evidence.

In your circumstance I would be looking to draw your wife and her significant other out - after all you are only a house husband and the majority carer of the children.