Well folks, got my first taste of the sheer & utterly, unadulterated hell my life is going to be for the forseeable future.
I know that when I read this in morning I''ll be dying of embarrassment.....
First off,my son had goe to meet friends & stay over night. That was fine.I was to pick up from station about lunch time, but he was not prepared to give me any exact time.Fair enough.
Raining"cats & dogs"here this morning.
He#d turned his mob. off so I could not contact him this morning to get the exact.
Eventually,my mob. rings & it was him.
He did not give me time to answer it, before he hung up & rang the land line.
First words out of his mouth " why did u not ans. your mob.?
"Oh yes I did but u hung up to soon"
"No u never Mum, u did not ans. me.Oh what the hell,never mind. I#ll be pulling into station in 15 min. make sure your there to pick me up." Phone went dead.
Traffic was horrendous, & I crawled along.
Mob.rings fortunately I was stopped in a long hold up, so I ans.
"Where are you Mum? I#ve been waiting ages"
"Stuck in taffick, will be there as soon as I can"
"Yeah, sure you are"
For the rest of the drive which would normally only taken 10-15min. but coz of rain & traffic it was taking me longer.
He proceeded to ring my mob. constantly.
Battering down with rain, visibility v.poor I was bombarde with those calls, which I couldn#t ans. any way.
Got there & he had a face like thunder. By Christ he is his fathers son......
Silence all way home, except for "What u so stressed out about?"
My Husband always finishes early on a Fri. which is normally nice coz it makes the W.E longer
Today, he was going golfing straight from work with his work mates.Then he would come home get changed & go out for a meal with 1 of the lads that was Posted.
Normally I would have gone to, BUT oh no we are in middle of divorce & he did not even ask me if I wanted to go! So, tonight the whole of the Dept. wives girlfriends etc but no little old me.....
Fine, I can cope with that. Not in til about 18.00hrs changed then staight out.
BUT OH NO.RAIN CANCELLED GOLF. So he came home virtually usual time.
Not to worry though. coz he was changing & going staight out. There he was all spruced up in his Civvies, & out he went.
Back to my son.
A group of his friends from where we were last Posted were coming for the W.E.
Normally they would have all stayed here, sprawled out all over house & coming in at what ever time.
"You can''t be serious Mum.Would they really want to stay here under the circumstances?"
Just pulled into driveway, when 1 of them rang him.
He was straight in doors, threw down his bag, grabbed some door keys & out he went to meet them all.
BUT, I will have the pleasure of his company later on, when he comes home to get changed, then out again for the evening.
IF HE THINKS I''M GOING TO DROP HIM OFF,HE CAN THINK AGAIN......
Heh me I.m all talk & no action....
Oh here he is. I''d forgotten that he had organised golf for him & his mates....
In, golf clubs grabbed & out again. I did not realize that 1 of the girlfriends had driven them up.
Brll. Lets hope she drops him off here in small hour of morning as well.
So, here I am, ironing board still up with iron on.
Hey Ho what abrilliant exciting life I lead.
Fri. night & here I am stuck here on my lonesome.......
Thought I was going to be able to cope with anything that was going to be thrown at me.
How you are feeling today is no indication of how you will feel in the future.You will build up a life of your own and possibly tell your son to find another taxi and you will be ok.
I think your son sounds like he is behaving like a typical teenager who thinks the world revolves around him so try not to take it to heart.
Try and see if there is something you fancy watching on Tv or any other activity you may like to do and relax and do it.
Going to a function with your husband at this time definitely would not be enjoyable.Now that could be hell!
I think your Son needs taking down a peg or two! Personally I would have told him to get out and walk!
You really don''t want to be prolonging the inevitable and pretending to the world. It''s draining. Better to be miserable at home than miserable and having to pretend to be happy - I promise you.
Get out the new local college course prospectus and take a look at what''s still available for September. Find things to do in the evenings and let the ungrateful fend for themselves. I took a few courses in my first year and it was the best thing I ever did - now a dab hand at stained glass, and pottery .... used to smile to myself no end when I told people I was learning to "throw" pots!
Re your son - I don''t know if this is helpful or not. When I described my teenage daughter''s behaviour to my counselor she pointed out that my ex had treated me with arrogance and my daughter had learnt to too.
I realised I could not and would not spend a lifetime being treated like that (she hit me and swore - I mean aggressiely) - and I stood up to her.
I have to warn you that the result is that she lives with her Father and ow and breaks my heart - but she would have broken me if I had let her stay.
I hope she learns some respect for people in the future.
Can you talk to your son about his behaviour and what he can and can''t expect from you at a less fraught time? Lay down some ground rules. About what he can accept and how you wish to be spoken to. In turn tell him what you can do for him.
But maybe I am not the person with answers.
The trouble is, that when a marriage splits, often the parents are no longer singing from the same hymn sheet, and the teenagers no longer have strict and safe parameters within which they can rebel and experiment and it gets out of hand. Good luck
It must be difficult when you & your ex are still together in the house, & can see your sons point in part of not wanting to bring friends into that "atmosphere" - I know kids pick up on this (didn''t realise befor my own split how bad it was until talked to my boys after the split)
As for the rest ... Teenagers are often very incosnderate by their very nature, add to that that he is hurting & probably thinks he cannot talk to you or his dad re this for fear of .. Upsetting, looking weak himself, or confusion & dam right indignation that this is happening when "he" should be the focus of all attention. As I said inconsiderate.
I would suggest a quite word, "I really don''t mind picking you up ... But you need to give me more notice, etc etc". - I talk a lot to my two now, a lot more than before the split, they have I realise that you have your own life to live also.
On that, I know that "we" & perhaps you fall into this category have built our lives around being a wife & mother, doesn''t leave a lot of time for "us" & that is what you have to concentrate on now. Distance yourself rom your ex as much as possible given the circumstances, idont even ask if he wants food, just look after yourself & your son, your oh is just using all this as control & to hurt, & it does hurt. You have to prove to him & you that you can cope on your own ... You are a strong person & this is the time to show that.
Why oh why would you want to go out socially with the man you are getting divorced from?
There is no mileage in trying to carry on as before and please look at the advice already given, start building a life away from him or there are a lot of Friday nights with the ironing board ahead of you.
It sounds like your child(ren) are old enough to be indipendent of you so you have every opportunity to build a worthwhile and new lifestyle for yourself.
All I can say is go for it..........sooner rather than later.