Mediation and unreasonable behaviour

Hello All,

Hope to get comment and advice from the great people in Wikivorce.

I wonder what the best approach is for my situation.

My question is, shall I go through mediation or shall I just file for divorce on my side citing UB?
If we go through mediation, does it mean I can''t have a "quick" divorce citing UB?

With so much emotion involved, my stbx is likely disagree with the UB, however true they are.

Divorce is the only way forward for me and stbx. I don''t want to wait out for 2 years.

We''ve been married for almost 8 years. Late 30s. 1 young child who is almost 4 years old. I''d very much like joint custody of my son after the divorce. However, I''ve read in so many places that UK court favours non-working mother/parent in terms child custody. I just don''t know what will happen to me...


UB:
* Not contribution to the family financially even though she''s healthy and fully employable
(She did some very patchy part time work. She would just quit the job when she felt like it.
I''ve also been supporting her to gain professional certifications. She''s gone through perhaps 2/3 of the course. She would just take on some modules when she felt like it. Somehow she prolongs the course and sees it as an excuse not to start proper work.)

* Impossible to have a meaningful communication
(When our marriage was breaking down, she would not communicate. She said she just didn''t want to listen. I would resort to e-mail but she said not to bother to send them and she wouldn''t read them... Come to think of it, it was like that before and it just gets worse over time.
I suggested marriage counselling to her before and she just ignored it.
Somehow she thought the emotional "threat" of divorce would make me comply to her unreasonable demand.)

* Controlling behaviour on our son
(As our marriage was failing, she would devise some unreasonable rules on my son. I would guess the main reason was to reduce the bond between me and my son.
E.g. she demanded my son to go to bed by 8pm! I said the usual 9pm was fine but she just went mad about it and refused to communicate.
I normally finish work and get home at around 7pm. When I get home, I have to cook myself dinner, etc. Having him to go to bed at 8pm means I don''t see him Mon to Fri! I can''t take him to shower, talk to him and play with him. She would also try to take him out sometimes all-day at weekends!
She did try to force my son to go to bed by 8pm but it wasn''t successful.
Luckily, I''ve managed to create a very strong relationship with my son. I take him to shower if his mother doesn''t fight for it. I take him to local parks at weekends to play football and run around.)

The two things are different.

You can start the divorce and then mediation can follow to allow you to sort out the custody / financial issues.

Thanks, leaning.

In terms of filing for divorce citing UB, does it matter who starts first?

She may make up something to twist the truth. On the other hand, she may not accept my UB claims, however true they are.

it doesn''t matter who files for divorce first really. But if you want to be in control, you do it.

look at all the posts on here about filing for unreasonable behaviour. She can contest or cross Petition but all that costs money. Most people state they they will not contest but do not accept the reasons.

for instance my ex threw a tv at me and he filed for divorce (he took all the money so i didn''t have necessary funding) for unreasonable behaviour quoting that situation ended in verbal and abusive attacks by me on him... strange it was the other way. His response was "i''m not going to tell the truth am i ***"

If you are the P, it puts you in better position than being the R - all court timetabled thenceforth. Re xhild custody, not my field, but usually joint custody is granted, except in the most extenuating circumstances..... May I suggest you peruse previous posts on here and do some research? This site is an invaluable source of infotmation. OK? Best of luck with it.

Thanks leaning and sadness.

It''s good to hear about joint custody of the child. I do understand the court will decide on a case by case basis. From my perspective, the emotional upbringing from me is the most important to my son. I hope the court will be reasonable and see what the best for the child is from his parent''s (me) eyes.

I shall just use one of these links on wikivorce and file for divorce now.

I''ve read so much online that the court favours the non-working mother. I suppose My stbx has done her reading online too. This is the thing she knows it can hurt me and she has emotional control over the current situation.

She knows she will get reasonably good money from the financial settlement. It''s not enough to buy a house outright but it will be a sizeable deposit. Just hope that she won''t fight it through solicitors as it would take a big chunk out of the pot of settlement fund for both of us. I''ve read about people spending 10K on sols fighting for 5K in some cases! She''s the type of person that would just want to win an argument without considering the consequences. I''ve said to her a mediator would be neutral. Whatever we save in solicitor fees would go towards the upbringing of our son.

Basically, she knows she''s got nothing too lose. Her attitude shows it too in those unavoidable events that we have to talk to each other.