Divorce and Financial settlement advice

Hi Guys, newbie here! I''ve read this site loads over the last few months but cant seem to find a thread which matches my circumstances so here goes, hoping for some good advice

I am male aged 43, married for 11 years until i seperated in 2011 so weve been apart nearly 2 years now. We have children who are 6, 9 and 11. My wife is 38. We own a house which is worth about 380K with a 240K mortgage so 140k equity. My wife has stayed in the FMH since we split and I have rented since March this year (previously was living with friends) I earn 90k and my wife earns approx 10k. I have paid child maint (1100) for the 3 children the CSA guidline of 25% of monthly income, plus i have paid all the mortgage repayments each month with no assistance this equates to 1400 per month. On top of this i have to pay my rent (1100 pm)this really is now becoming a bit of a mill stone and i would like to get things resolved finally. In the meantime STBX has a boyfriend of about 18 months, so no going back for us! he contributes the odd thing for the children but nothing else. from what i can make out he has no property and lives with friends.

so what i''d like to do is get a divorce resolved asap after christmas (2 years apart) then resolve the finances. i''d be quite happy to walk away from the mortgage and sign the lot over to her, however, she cannot afford to take on the mortgage repayments and will have to sell. its a lovely 3 bed house in a nice area of SW LOndon, so shes gonna be reluctant to sell; can i force this by offering to walk away?? if not where do i stand? do i have to maintain the whole payment on a house that i dont live at and havent for 2 years? where does her boyfriend come into it? he doesnt contribute an awful lot, is a bit of a waster etc.

in addition to the above i have quite a good pention pot, i am looking to offset the house vs that so i get to keep my pension and she has the house, dont know whether she will go for this...

any advice greatfully received

regards

What is your pension actually worth, what type of scheme.

Did you live together before marriage.

How many nights a week do the kids spend with you.

Do you live with anyone.

Does your wife`s BF work.

Does your wife take all the benefits she is entitled too.

Hi Dukey,

to answer your questions:

I am on my own
We lived together for 2 years before marriage

My pension pot is worth around 150K tied up in company schemes.

Kids are with me 2 nights per week on average

My wife''s BF works as a delivery driver - i suspect he earns 20-25K.

As far as i know my wife takes all bens she''s entitled

thanks
L

You could be in for a very hard time if this goes to court at your age and income, try and stay away from court if you can.

Numbers you take home about £4400 and she has about £2000 in total?.

we are fairly amicable and trying to stay away from court. i dont wish to stitch her up but i want fairness too. I take a bit more than that, nearer 5k pm and yes she''s on about 2k with what i give for the kids

also forgot to mention i have around 5K worth of debt, dont know what she has, probably 1k

The cards are stacked firmly against you, your young a high earner two small kids a wife with a low income and a mortgage she can`t afford alone.

The first need is a roof over the kids head preferably the one they have right now, you pay £1100 CM which leaves you what? £3800 ish?.

There are two real options

Sell and she keeps the equity as a deposit on a lower priced property, problem with this is given the place you live what will this cost, would it be any cheaper?.

Option two is you pay and help with the mortgage and then hold a charge against the home to be realised when the kids are older, say 18, it gives you a nest egg for the future but will cost you until then.