How Do I Get the Ball Rolling?

Hello everybody,

Just looking for some helpful advice.

I''ve been married for just over 25 years, the last 10 - 12 years things have been going downhill, and have now deteriorated to a point where we are living seperate lives in the same house. So far, there have been no discussions, but definitely want out now. I have two children, daughter is 21 and just finished uni, son is 17 and studying A levels. I haven''t worked for quite a few years as I''ve been bringing up the kids, husband works, earning about £30k per annum, He also has substantial savings in excess of £100k from an inheritance. I have about£10k in savings. We bought the house we live in in 1997, and my Dad gifted me £50k towards the cost, the house is therefore paid for.

What I really want to know is what to do next. I know I have to break the ice with him and start the discussion, but I''m pretty sure it will turn nasty, he hates confrontations, gets angry and tends to make threats,so I don''t think an amicable settlement is on the cards somehow.

Was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice for me about how I should get the ball rolling, just can''t carry on with this miserable half life for much longer

Sue

If you''ve waited this long could you please please wait until your son has finished his a-levels? In that time you could see a solicitor for your free half hour and get further advice from this site.

Take copies of bank statements etc and put them in someone else''s house?

But please - the thought of your son doing his a levels with this happening worries me - I know what divorce has put my teenagers through - it affects them much more than you think.

This is probably not the kind of advice you were hoping for....

From a financial point of view you are probably better off taking action sooner rather than later. If you get divorced while your son is under 18, you will probably get a better settlement than if you wait until he is over 18.

Thanks for the reply scareyclairie.

I understand where you''re coming from as regards my son, its just the thought of nearly another year of living like this that I don''t want. At the same time, I don''t want to put my son through all the upheaval, so its a tough call. Maybe I need to tell my husband that I want to start proceedings sometime in the next 12 months, but could he possibly live elsewhere while that is going on, he could stay with his brother, who lives on his own, while all this is going on.

Thanks again for your reply

Sue

Thanks for the advice cookie2

Even though I want to start things off straight away I do need to have a long hard think about how it will affect my son if I see a solicitor and kick start the process. On the other hand the general mood around here is so miserable at the moment, I wonder if it would make much of a difference if my husband were to move out, at least the atmosphere wouldn''t be a gloomy as it is now, and its not like my son doesn''t know that things are bad between us.

Lots of thinking to do...argh!!!

Thanks again for the advice

Sue

Seeing a solicitor will not change anything. Many do a free initial consultation and you can get a lot of good advice in that 30 minutes free. Seeing a solicitor does not mean you have to start action immediately. I think it would be a good idea to do that.

You can''t make your husband move out. It would help your case, and you can ask him to, but he can simply say no. It is his home too.

I think it is in your own interests to divorce sooner rather than later, but if you want to wait for the sake of your son, that is a decision you alone can make. But it should be made from an informed point of view. I think seeing a solicitor simply to get advice would be a very good idea.

No-one can make your decision for you obviously - but I just wanted to wish you good luck. It is so easy to offer ''wisdom'' with little knowledge and great distance. Things clearly aren''t great for you right now, and whatever you decide I wish you more happiness and contentment than you have now.