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Non - Mols, advice please?

  • MrsSadness
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23 Aug 12 #351285 by MrsSadness
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A quick synopsis of my situation: ex phones up my sister and get information out of her re my movements/ actions/ intentions re divorce. I might add here that my sister is a vulnerable person with learning disabilities, a fact he is taking full advantage of and prejudicing my case, for sadly he is a master manipulator and she didn''t understand not to tell him anything.
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Now, question to all you wise and wonderful wikis out there - can I get a non mol on grounds that he is to desist in phoning her, she does find it upsetting but refuses to take a non mol out on him herself.

I suspect the answer will be a no, in which case can I take one out on him myself on grounds of previous domestic violence - even though last occasion was over 2 years ago? I do however live in fear of him, though seperated and in seperate houses since, but the tone of his recent emails to me has a threatening resonance to them, well, to me, anyway.

Any advice anyone would be as usual most gratefully received. Thanks.

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23 Aug 12 #351307 by cookie2
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What does it matter if she tells him your movements, actions or intentions re divorce? Shouldn''t YOU be telling him anyway? What is the big secret that you want to hide?

If she does not want to take action herself then I think there is nothing you can do. It is up to her.

  • rugby333
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23 Aug 12 #351314 by rugby333
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Agree with cookie.

Why on earth are you looking to escalate problems by being a troublemaker?

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23 Aug 12 #351327 by MrsSadness
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Thanks for the replies.

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23 Aug 12 #351331 by MrsSadness
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I am a bit upset at the reaction to be frank. I can not say anything about the criminal case going on against my stbx, suffice to say nasty piece of work. I was hospitalised by him on several occasions. Not looking for sympathy, but calling me the troublemaker... I am not even able to express myself freely on here for fear of identification, that is how bad it is.

I give a lot of support out to others on here, and first time I asked a question for myself I get this.... ''troublmaker''. You erally don''t know the full story as to the lengths I have to protect myself from him, and this comment has upset me greatly. You may note from the times of my postings, I do not sleep - for fear of him coming round, me? The troublmaker?

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23 Aug 12 #351348 by rugby333
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Mrs Sadness,

No one on this site is looking to give you a hard time. The comments made to you are made on the basis of the information you provide.

You did not tell us there are criminal proceedings currently against your stbx.

As a general principle however, the people on this site who I think are sensible all try to either give factual advice or try to calm a situation down. That is to say, they try to stop people taking unnecessary action which will have the consequence of enflaming an already enflamed situation.

Given what you had told us i.e. that he was mildly hassling your sister and that he had not touched you for 2 years, the best advice we could give was to just ignore him.

In the event that the story is much more threatening and real time, then if you choose to share that with us, we may advise you differently.

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23 Aug 12 #351349 by MrsSadness
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I also rarely make typos, this is because I am crying: I find your comments harsh and unfeeling, and without a full understanding of the background, I hope others may agree with my astonishment at this lack of empathy. If you had been knocked around all your married life to the degree you are hospitalised and miscarried babies - yes plural - you will see why I am trying to protect my sister from him, and myself. I have suffered enough, I have more money than him, and ironic it has to go into same pot, while he gets away with dissapating the assets? This is one of the few times I have ever opened a post, the other 65 were always giving support to others..... I feel rather upset right now, I have to say.

I really do not wish to enter into any protracted email ping pong with you: I can not say anything about the criminal case going on against the ex. Much as I''d love to. And neither do I wish to justify myself further.

You are entitled to your opinions, but I do feel your inferment that I am some sort of troublemaker, was a bit hard, but anyway, you are entitled to your opinions.

I am now in floods of tears....and not looking for any sympathy, just saying that I am a gentle little soul, who doesn''t deal well with abrasiveness like that.

As always, am po;ite, so thank you for the replies.

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