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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Divorce Rights

  • Forseti
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29 Aug 12 #352598 by Forseti
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Not sure I agree that family judges should be making the law up as they go. In a democracy it should be for Parliament to decide the law.

Sadly Parliament hasn''t properly examined divorce law since the 1950s; In 2008 Sir Paul Coleridge warned that if Government won’t produce the laws judges want, the judges would do it for them, and that is what we''ve been getting in cases like Cowan v Cowan, Charman v Charman, White v White and McFarlane v McFarlane.

Thanks for the link, Ruby. My OH makes sandwich fillings to die for. ;)

  • rubytuesday
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29 Aug 12 #352603 by rubytuesday
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I don''t necessarily think that Thorpe made up the law in this case. I''m still trying to find the judgement for this case, but it''s eluding me so far.

From what I can gather, the wife''s actions and behaviour over the course of a 20 year marriage led the husband to become depressed. No matter how trivial we may perceive the actions and behaviour of others, if those actions are having a detrimental effect on the other spouse to the extent of becoming mentally ill, then surely, that is a factor hat must be considered? If a spouse feels that the marriage is unhealthy and "un-fixable" due to the actions of the other, then no amount of pleading from the other spouse will be enough to change the perception of the unhappy spouse. After all, Unreasonable Behaviour is all about perception of what one spouse finds unacceptable about the other''s behaviour.

PS - Forseti, your OH sounds like a keeper ;)

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29 Aug 12 #352607 by dukey
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Maybe the reason the case has drifted into the reeds is there was nothing really new to read.

There is only a single ground for divorce, the irrevocable breakdown of the marriage, that is it, the five factors simply show this has happened.

Judges don`t make law as such, but decisions made in high court must be followed by lower court, they call it case law, it is not however statute, i tend to think of it as more strong direction.

Personally i like the idea of waiting one year or annulment, i would hate to think you end up with the US situation where you can marry one day and end it twelve hours later.

Marriage is supposed to be a solemn covenant, many consider it a holy joining of a man and a woman for life.

  • Forseti
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29 Aug 12 #352609 by Forseti
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rubytuesday wrote:

PS - Forseti, your OH sounds like a keeper ;)


One in a billion.

The test is whether the marriage has irretrievably broken down, and in this case it clearly had. That the wife considered the grounds trivial is immaterial. Personally I would think removing the fuse from a washing machine (or any other appliance) to prevent anyone else using it is pretty unreasonable.

  • soulruler
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29 Aug 12 #352611 by soulruler
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I agree with rubes (I suppose obviously) on this.

In my case, as often said here, the OH was way ahead of me on his planned exit, that is to say as soon as he and my ex best mate decided that they had lots in common.

For months they subjected me to phsycological attack before making it clear to me that ex was going to Petition me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour that Mums money would be put into the marital pot and that he hoped I wouldn''t be difficult about it.

I knew there and then that they had been to solicitors to get advice. I suppose technically it shouldn''t matter who petitions for divorce except at the moment the Petitioner has the upper hand. In any case I couldn''t wait to get divorced and get away when I began to realise just what an abusive husband I had been married to for many years.

I got my Absolute as soon as I applied for it which was more or less as soon as the three month (approx) expiry from Nisi. My husband did not even object and had made no legal claim by way of declaration or evidence for why he was in his rights to put my Mums money into the marital pot.

I believe that even if I had been having an affair and admitted to it it should have made no difference to the outcome but do believe as my ex''s had conspired together that it should based on evidence.

Since then even though in family proceedings I have produced all evidence to show catagorically that I am trustee for my mum and in her will it states that I am to hold all her shares until her death and then any money left be divided between me and my brother and I believe family division has quite rightly adjudicated (seeing as he got nothing) that I was right in law I am still being taken from court to court to court, tried and tried again in so many jurisdictions, forced into court by ex and his legals supporting so many malicous and totally unfounded claims I am seen as the vexatious litigant.

I know that the Police recognise that partners can be a victim of Fraud and that you can be stollen from and threatened by your spouse.

I think that the legal profession needs to understand that the judicary can not be held liable and in any case they are constantly under huge pressure (just think how many more lawyers there are than judges and how many more chambers there are than courts).

You definitely do not expect when you first set out for a divorce that legal teams will support the abusive, abuse process, ignore the fact that if you get an injunction in a family court and evidence shows that you cannot have it enforced that you then cannot take it to other courts time and time again trying to get back what you offered and using the "debt" you couldn''t enforce as your excuse.

I think I am actually at the point where I am going to have a nervous breakdown. As a result of these proceedings I am behind on my personal tax returns, I face two more applications into Queens Bench which I don''t even have sight of, the bank is now stating they are going to repossess my house (having previously stated that it is my ex who is in contempt of court not me and they wouldn''t like to see me in court and then failing to attend to support me), I think I am in trouble with WTC as previously I made a claim which I couldn''t then quantify as I failed to produce personal tax returns, CSA is potentially chasing me for non payment of CSA to my youngest son, I am arguing constantly with my mother who blames herself for trusting in me, betraying my Dad and says life isn''t worth living.

I know that Lord Justice Thorpe whose judgements I respect stated that physcological abuse was just about the worst and shouldn''t be underestimated.

I just wonder why, when my ex is perfectly well accommodated and I offered originally to sell the house, then for him to have the house and so much else that I am seen as the bitter one.

Actually, if this is not resolved soon I don''t think I will be bitter but I am seriously worried that my health will snap and that I will go mentally insane. A lot of times I do look insane and people keep telling me to take my diazapan.

Really though what good is anti anxiety medication when the terror refuses to go away.

This is the most hideous experience that I would never believe possible for anyone to have to go through. My anxiety and fear is so off the scale, increasingly.

I think that this is why I count my lucky stars that I found this site, partly as it has been a huge source of information and support and partly as I would hope that by reading my posts others will avoid the pitfalls that I have experienced in UK Courts.

I definitely do not recommend Queens Bench (I never applied into it only defended claims from my ex). It is the most scarey and hostile place I have ever been.

On that point I also do not understand why my ex is entitled to take claim after claim and never attend as if you take a small claim and do not attend it goes against you and if you take a criminal prosecution out against an agressor you still have to attend court no matter how scared you are as the victim.

I most definitely am a victim both of domestic violence and legal abuse.

I don''t feel safe in my own house, I don''t feel safe on the streets, I dread opening the post or answering the phone and I dread attending court where I am threatened and scared witless by gangs of legal teams.

I just want peace and the opportunity to get away from fraud, abuse and violence.

Rant over but I am off to be sick again.:(

  • Aerodyne
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29 Aug 12 #352728 by Aerodyne
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Soulruler I really feel for you, I am very new on here and from the threads I have read you are one of the really helpful people that takes the time to try and help others.

I don''t know all the background to your situation but I''m sure you do not deserve what you are going through and I know if you stay strong you will come out of it in the end.

All the best, and for what its worth you have my support.

Aerodyne xx

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