Bit of a long rant here. I am in process of escaping a very abusive relationship. It is only a week or so since I first posted on wikivorce yet since that time the flood gates have opened and I have realised that I have been taken for a mug for 20 years or more.
It is all falling into place now. Everything that my stbx has said and done has been part of an amazingly complex and clever plot to keep me ensnared and in her control.
Today at last I feel free. Why? Because for the first time in many years I have spent a day with my mobile phone TURNED OFF!! I can go shopping, go to the pub and get a good nights sleep at my Mums because I have not got that awful ringing / buzzing thing constantly in my pocket. Try it, you can do it too. Turn the blessed thing off or at least into flight mode and rediscover your life!
I have been hooked into a horrific circle of deceit and manipulation since about 1985!! And now at last, I recognise it. Everything we jointly own has been used in some way to keep me on the hook. I cannot do anything on my own without being hassled, nagged, cajoled, persuaded, threatened - this is all mental abuse. I am going to get away from it all if it is the last thing I do.
Horrible that it has taken years to recognise but you will find a lot of people have been in your position.
it is only when you get away from it that you see things clearly.
i knew my situation was bad but having been separated for 20 months i realise just how abusive my ex was from the day my first child was born. slowly and surely, he controlled everything i did and i didn''t realise it...
i sometimes get so cross now just because i realise how little i did for just me!!
Take time. look after yourself and do things just for you...
I agree it has taken me 20 years i knew something was not right but you become conditioned to it ,he has been out the house for 6 months now but still lives next door but in those 6 months i am a different person day by day i gain confidence and you will too. best wishes for your future.
There is more to this story. About half an hour after starting this thread, I was still sitting here browsing wiki when there was a violent hammering on the front door of my Mums house, and who should it be but stbx!! I opened the door and she forced her way in, I was not going to fight her as I could see the potential for one or both of us going through the glass in the door. I asked her to leave which she wouldn''t so I picked up the landline phone and called Police on 101.
Anyway as an abuser and control freak she has worked her up into such a lather by not being able to get hold of me for about 10 hours that she has driven 12 miles to come and hassle me on a Saturday evening.
I left the house and walked down the road. Single copper came and he was very helpful. Spoke to both of us, told her to "sling her hook" and said to me "Blimey, she''s hard work isn''t she?". Neighbours had called 999 when they heard argument at front door, so seems she has shot herself in the foot.
My reason for posting this is really to encourage others in my position to not be afraid to call the police, you are attempting to prevent a "breach of the peace" so they ought to be sympathetic.
its an Eureka moment for you on more counts than one.
Do not expect that to be the end but rather than the the start as now her emotions are abused (strange isn''t it).
Anyhow now is the time to cancel joint accounts (well freeze them) if she is a secondry account on any credit take her off, if you are a secondry account holder get yourself off, freeze any joint accounts, change all passwords on everything and generally take stock.
Be warned you have not just "won" that is what she thinks is potentially happened, you are about to be subjected to a total rant.