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Abuse - How could I be so blind to it?

  • MmBr
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02 Sep 12 #353480 by MmBr
Reply from MmBr
Hi Aerodyne

I am really sorry to hear about you having spent 20years with such awful abuse.
Best thing to do is get another mobile phone, which is exactly what I did. I haven''t switched the other one on in months now!!
I was lucky I only stood it for just short of 3years, verbal, emotional and physical violence...my mistake was not to have called the Police sooner.
Be prepared for an even bigger battle now that you are no longer in the same house. In my experience the abuse got worse after I left because I was stupid enough to believe him when he said he would change.
I have had to attend counselling for the first time in my life as I was so tramatised by the whole thing.
Cutting all ties completely was the only way....no communication whatsoever and I think it just about saved my sanity.
Good Luck and hope things improve for you real soon


  • downland
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03 Sep 12 #353601 by downland
Reply from downland
Dont put your self down for not recognising the situation you were in for so long, emotional abuse is subtle and builds up over a period, and we all know that over a period of time we adjust to accomodate. It takes a trigger, reading an article, a friend (if you are still allowed any) to be brave and caring enough to rub your nose in the facts ............ then the hard bit comes ...... getting free.

  • jar of hearts
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03 Sep 12 #353622 by jar of hearts
Reply from jar of hearts
I was another 25 year victim but 2.5 years down the line I am finally getting over it. I still find myself reacting in familiar patterns with people but because everyone around me knows how things have been they spot the unhealthy behaviours and set me straight. I blocked my ex from my phone (samsung phones mostly have the option) and I blocked him from my e mail address. I also stopped using that address, which he hacked constantly, and set up a new one. Now that the house is sold and I have moved away with the children to start again I am growing stronger and stronger.

A word of warning though, when I started to stand up to my bullying abusive ex he didn''t back down straight away. We were almost on first name terms with the local police they cam that often. I spent a fortune going through the courts to get us out of the refuge where we were living and back into our home, and I have been harrassed throughout the entire divorce proceedings by his actions through solicitors and mostly his lack of action when things were required, and now after the Absolute is through and we supposedly have a final settlement decided by a judge, he is still causing problems by not signing things, not agreeing, trying to change what was agreed etc etc. Thing is though although I find it exasperating and unbelievable since it adversely effects the children and has driven a huge wedge between him and them, it can no longer really effect me, other than by taking more of the money that I should be using to care for my children. If there is one thing that this whole sorry business has taught me it is that things are not important, only people. And they are what you need to worry about, the first and foremost of those are the children of a relationship, and yourself.

Take care

  • laura75
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11 Sep 12 #355215 by laura75
Reply from laura75
i know what you mean, i was slowly slowly controlled over 16 years till i was afraid to do anything for fear of making him mad. when i finally recognised it i began making my plans to leave, it took me from year 7 to year 12 to actually do it and even after i left and even now im still having to deal with his crap. however now when he says jump i said sod off something he''s not coping with too well.
my new parter is great and is taking his time with me and slowly i am getting better.
hope it all improves soon

p.s. that i feel free feeling is brillaint isnt it?

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