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Mind games

  • tinkerbell1606
  • tinkerbell1606's Avatar Posted by
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09 Sep 12 #354868 by tinkerbell1606
Topic started by tinkerbell1606
Hi wiki peeps
Bit of advice please! Dd spends one full weekend with x, one full weekend with me, and sees him on Sunday other 2 weekends.
This was after court recommended this pattern, and dd said she wanted to see us both each weekend. Very busy girl with sports every Saturday, which means during term time we only have one Sunday free, but that''s ok. X wanted alternate weekends, court said listen to child, so they came up with the above.
X took dd to see his mum today, ( she is fully aware of the agreement in place) as they left, and in front of our daughter, his mother asked when he would have her for the weekend again. Next weekend is "mine" , and the weekend after he has arranged to go away with friends, and will miss his Sunday contact.
He replied that he would next have a weekend at the end of the month and his mum commented that this was " spiteful & selfish!!!"
This is not the first time that comments have been made like this in front of our daughter, who says she feels unable to say anything to her dad or her grandma about derogatory comments made about me.
I can''t contact him about it , it''s hearsay after all, but I''m concerned that grandma is effectively alienating our daughter, who seems less and less interested in maintaining a relationship because of this.
Personally I think it''s abusive to denigrate a child''s parent, no matter what your feelings might be,I just feel so helpless.
Any advice gratefully accepted
Tink x

  • Elphie
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10 Sep 12 #354888 by Elphie
Reply from Elphie
What is your relationship with x like? I''m guessing not great as you went to court over contact, in which case I wouldn''t bother addressing it with your ex as it would rock the boat and cause further problems with him. He was there, so he knows what his mother said I front of the little one, so if he wanted to address it himself he could.
I''d focus on your girl, I don''t know jow old she is, but in an age appropriate way I would tell her you aren''t bothered what other people think about you. It''s a fine line for you to walk to reassure your dd you aren''t upset while not alienating your dd further from her grandmother but the damage to their relationship is ultimately being done by the grandmother, not you. Personally I think that is the best you can do. I wouldn''t worry about the grandmother alienating you from your daughter, as she doesn''t have enough time with her to have that sort of influence, the worst that can happen is that your daughter feels defensive of you and the woman damages her own relationship with her granddaughter.

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