advice sought on seperation and father rights

***edited due to privacy concerns**

Welcome to Wikivorce, Phoenixtime, although I''m sorry you have a need to be here.

In order for those knowledgeable about finances to give you a better indication of what you could be looking at in terms of a realistic division of assets, it would be very helpful if you could answer the following questions (I appreciate that you have already provided some of this info):

your respective ages

length of marriage, inc any lengthy pre-marital co-habitation.

number and age of children, and how many nights they will spend with each parent post actual separation.

the marital assets, whether they are in joint or sole names (anything over the value of £500)

the marital debts, again whether in sole or joint names

your respective incomes and outgoings

pension details




If you moving out would mean the likely repossession of the MH due to your low incomes and pressure of paying rent and the household expenses, then I suggest you stay where you are. I''m assuming that on an income of £8.5k pa, your wife is only working part-time - is it possible she could increase her own working hours and therefore increase her earning potential?

Personally, I would advise holding off starting the divorce for the time being, and try to get in place some sort of arrangements for the children, and discussions about assets/liabilities with a view to resolving this amicably and without incurring large legal bills. If working agreements between yourselves isn''t possible, I would suggest you try mediation to try to sort the finances and how you will both be able to afford the separation.

The Wikivorce online packages are really only suitable for those who are in agreement (or near agreement) - why not call the free phone number on this page and talk through your options with one of our advisers?

Hi Phoenixtime, and welcome to Wikivorce; the usual advice in such situations is not to move out. If you move out:


• you will be granting your spouse de facto custody of your children;

• you will immediately expose yourself to petitions for child and spousal support;

• you will abandon all your joint possessions and even your personal possessions to your spouse (and you don’t have to be a lawyer to know that possession is 9/10ths of the law);

• you will open the way for your spouse/ex’s new partner to move in to your house and become a substitute parent to your child;

• you will give your spouse leave to Petition for exclusive possession of the house in perpetuity in ‘the best interests of the children’ thus tying up the house as an asset; and

• you will lose your only bargaining position.

I can''t see on your income how you could afford a 3 bedroom flat and continue to pay the mortgage. You will need to sell the house.

If you really want to establish yourself as the primary carer you need to start listing all the routine things you do with your children and demonstrate you are a fully hands-on father. It is the day-to-day routine that matters, not the treats and outings. You will have to show how this will work around your job.

Yes, you can fill out and submit the divorce petition yourself but you need to pay particular attention to the arrangements for children and show how it is going to work in practice. You do not need your wife''s agreement, though that would obviously make things easier. You should be prepared for a fight if your wife also wants primary care and if she is getting angry. If she wants you out there are underhand ways she can achieve that so you should get your application in soon. You don''t want to be on the back foot.

If it comes to a contested residence hearing you should concentrate on the welfare checklist and keep everything strictly child-focused, but you haven''t reached that stage yet.

The priority is the arrangements for the children and how you will actually afford it and achieve it in practice. Worst case is you are forced to move out and pay 20% of your income as child support; that won''t leave much for accommodation suitable for your children. Divorce isn''t necessarily the solution and mediation may be the best place to start.

***edited due to privacy concerns**

HI wonder if anyone here can have a look at this thread now i have updated with requested info ? cheers

Forseti is the best person to advise as far as getting the best footing to become a 50/50 shared residence parent, follow his advise to the letter!

If you are looking for suggestions as to possible asset split, you''d be best of copying your post with details above into a new thread, as some of the people best able to advise on that (little mr mike, dukey) tend to look out for financial related threads whereas this appears at first glance to be a child contact thread.

As for your specific questions in your op
do i need her agreement to file for the divorce ?
no, but if she is already getting angry at mention of divorce, it is probably best to go for two years with consent, you refer to separating amicably three months ago. I believe to show you are separated you need to show separate finances, and separate living arrangements in the house (eg, demonstrate that you have your own bedroom, or at very least a sofa bed in the lounge, cook your own food and do your own washing) but also bare in mine Forseti,s advise to demonstrate you have equal care of the children, so don''t fall into the trap of just doing your own washing, but factor in doing the kids, and cooking their dinner three or four nights a week etc. then hopefully, in two years time you would be able to get her consent for a divorce amicably.

can i stay put in my home for as long as i wish as i half own it ?
Yes. Forseti has already given you the best advise on this.

with the online packages here are the only really going to work if people are talking or in agreement ?

Yes, all fixed price quotes from solisitors assume that you are in agreement over the financial division of assets and living and contact arrangement for children, as the price covers writing this up legally and filing the appropriate documents for court. If there is any disagreement over either children on finances, it is impossible for the solisitor to predict what the costs would be (ie, whether a few letters would sort it or whether issues are going to go the full length in court with appeals on top) and therefore impossible to provide a fixed price.

Really, your best bet is to attend mediation with the stbx to agree finance split and child care, and to try and get her over the anger stage, which hopefully is a passing phase as she comes to terms that her marriage is over, rather than setting the tone for things to come.

Hi - looking back on what happened re my son and his divorce - he moved out of the family home almost immediately as he came home from work one night to find his wife had put the key in the door and wouldn''t let him in. When she finally opened the door they had a row and she called the police. The police took no action but suggested one of them left the family home as they had been called out. The children were in bed, so my son opted to leave.

On reflection and because he had started a new job, he preferred not to go back to the house in case his ex. engineered a similar situation.

With hindsight, I think it would have been better for him not to have left the house until he had agreed the arrangements for the children.

Three years down the line, the only thing of any importance to him is his contact with the children.