Hi I am a newbie here but would like some guidance and help.
My wifw of 14 years has decided that she wishes to seperate and move out with my daughter of 10, she has rented a house for 6 months and is only moving to the other side of the village but the pain is beyond belief.
I have been suffering depression for all of my adult life and have refused to face my issues until now, this is the catalyst of why she is leaving.
Also getting mixed messages, in a comment she said she wants to sort out our finances at mediation and in the same sentence says "im not saying we sell the house" and have just had an email saying
"I know this is probably a cheek but would appreciate your advice on a couple of things for the new house ….
Contents insurance – should I just shop around for normal contents insurance or should I get one specifically for tenants? And how much should I cover for?
Sky – not sure I can live without sky but couldn’t afford to have package we currently have – do you know if there are any special deals I could get that would include wifi for laptop/iphone?
I thought I would go and have a look round the reclaim place for furniture first, you never know, might be able to get something reasonable and cheap – no point spending more than we have to"
My main question is based on any finacial mediation and CSA, my wife earns £10K a year more than me will this make a difference?
Firstly your wife has said ''separation'' not ''divorce'' - however some here have heard that to soften the blow to the ''divorce'' discussion.
I know its your illness and a difficult thing to deal with, but also for the spouse of someone suffering from depression, it must have been really difficult for her too. Is her actions because of your depression?
How are you dealing with your depression? Medication, Counseling, any other therapies?
Have you discussed how the separation is going? How she feels?
Sometimes people take action such as this to attempt to trigger a ''fight-for-the-marriage'' reaction.
Sometimes people just need the space.
Sometimes people use it as a prequel to ''I want a Divorce''.
You know your wife and the situation, be honest with yourself and what each of you want. Do you still love each other? Do you want the marriage to work?
Thanks for the quick reply, life during my downs has been very difficult for her and i know her actions are because of this, we had a bad patch about 7 years ago and we went for counselling and i was told i needed to sort my demons then but i did nothing about it, too painful.
I am seeking help for my depression with medication and counselling and this will be a long journey but she said she does not have the energy to be here whilst i am going through it, regarding discussing the seperation she has said this is what she wants and that is it, i asked her if the door is still open if i get sorted, she says "it is not closed but it is not open" and i should not go into my counselling using this as the reason to do it, which tells me nothing really although i have just had a conversation where i pushed this question and she said if i want her answer now i can have it, i said it was to early for either of us to have that discussion and now resent bringing it up.
Whith regards to discussing how the seperation is going she has not actually moved out yet that is next week and i only found out on Monday that this is what she wants, she asked me yesterday if i would help her with the move!!
Do we still love each other, i do very much, she tells me she still cares about me but only 4 weeks ago she did tell me she loves me. I want the marriage to work but she is so set in seperation that she just wants to get out and says that what i am doing now is all to little to late.
Life not good at the moment and very confused and unsure how to deal with it all.
I am in almost exactly the same situation as you except that in my case my wife starred a new relationship before she told me she wanted to separate. Paradox,really now that my treatment for depression is working... for the first time I can see all of the het I have caused.
Get in with treating your depression you will have to face up to things you may rather not bit in the long rum the real you will come back.
This will be an incredibly painful for you as it has for me.
You must put your own health first without this both you and your children will suffer. I wish you well has you get yourself through this difficult time.