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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Am I doing the right thing?

  • BewilderedBob
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17 Sep 12 #356316 by BewilderedBob
Topic started by BewilderedBob
Hi all,
apologies if this is in thewrong area of topic but ive only posted a few times and not for ages!!
My wife started divorce proceedings back in Feb of this year and after about a week asked me to leave as it was "the normal protocol".
Needless to say, i hung on in there and i''m still here in the house with the three kids and life goes on.
I have a few issues though.
She wants me out and has tried to before but as i have done nothing wrong she cannot.
She is now off work with stress and has tried to make out that the kids are suffering as a result of me staying put.
I know for a fact that she has talked to my eldest girl (12) about all sorts of things that she doesnt need to know about and done a great job of twisting her until it almost feels like i am the baddie!
My youngest two girls (6 and 10) are fine with me and continue to carry on pretty much unaffected (or at least as much as can be in these circumstances).
She took over all financial stuff shortly after asking for a divorce but i have since managed to get the mortgage payment back so we are pretty much 50/50 on outgoings.
I have tried to be as friendly as possible even though we clearly cannot agree on anything.
I want a 50/50 split, shared care and decent contact with the kids.
She wants a bigger share, and does not agree to any midweek contact at all which i feel is unfair.
We are at present waiting for a court date as i feel it will be the only way to get a result no matter which way it goes.
i really have tried to talk to her rationally but we just cannot.
She is now livid as it turns out in the last two days tax credits have decided the outcome of a disputed claim that i am the main carer for the younger two and i assume she will now have to pay back a large sum of money she received in april.
She took the girls away the other day and would not tell me where to or for how long.
I am despeerate and sick of this situation, she seems to be playing games and using the kids against me as she knows they are the only things that are important to me. She is extremely bitter that this has not gone her way from the start and not only am i still here but now i seem to be in a better position than her.
Just after some reassurance really, am i doing the right thing?
I never asked for this situation.
I totally accept that i will never be together with the STBX again and thank god for that, but my kids are my priority, I want to make sure that whatever happens I get enough money to provide a home for them and a decent amount of contact with them.
But i worry the longer this goes on the more she tells them and tries to turn them against me.
Is that so bad?
If i''d moved out way back when she asked then i dont think id have a leg to stand on right now and the house certainly wouldnt be up for sale as it currently is.
Am i so bad or wrong to stick it out in the house and get what i think i am entitled to?
Sorry if this post is a bit rambly but my head has been all over the place since Feb but i have managed to hold it together just about!!

  • pgs1975
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  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
17 Sep 12 #356381 by pgs1975
Reply from pgs1975
I had a similar experience and as far as I remember we could not force either party out (financial constraints). I believe you can go to court to agree allocated times in the house or if there are welfare concerns greater steps be taken. Ultimiately I understand how horrible it is and even though we are now living in seperate houses and are still contesting children access, my ex blames me for the situation in the house.

Reading these posts it seems to be the norm for exes to blame one another. I guess it all depends on what would make you happier.

I know being away from my ex with the children is a much more pleasant experience than being round her at the same time.....

  • MrsMathsisfun
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17 Sep 12 #356397 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
If the stbx is that unhappy she could move out, its your home and you have the right to stay.

It might be bumpy for a bit and the 12 year might being used which isnt nice but when its all over she will know that you were not prepared just to walk away.

  • BewilderedBob
  • BewilderedBob's Avatar Posted by
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18 Sep 12 #356549 by BewilderedBob
Reply from BewilderedBob
Thanks people for the replies so far.
Been to my solicitor today who is gonna write to hers and ask her to be a bit more cooperative as her behaviour with the kids is not in their best interests.
Failing that then I will have to start looking into a residence order maybe.
But to be honest I''m trying to avoid that as I don''t want to get the kids involved in a whole load of mess that is not of their making!
I''ll just have to see how it goes.

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