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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

TRYING TO COPE. He was my SOULMATE.. sad eh??

  • honeybeeee
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22 Sep 12 #357373 by honeybeeee
Topic started by honeybeeee
My worst moments are when I''m on my own.

I type some thing, then think, "well OK maybe you Wikis out there don''t want to read this....."

It is so true that the more you get told your bad points, the more you begin to believe them...

It became the way, that if I made a comment about what ever, I''d be told that I can only ever see things black & white..
Then, Hubby, would come out with EXACTLY the same comment though worded slightly diferently. This was even more acute when we were in company, & people had noticed it, BUT were to embarrassed to comment..

ESPECIALLY coz he was there Boss......

Right, would still like to cont. venting, BUT needs must.. My son needs to be woken up, fed & watered quickly then for me to drive him into his Night Shift. PLEASE note that his work attire has been washed, dried & ironed & is awaiting him..

If I don''t send this now I will lose it...
MAYBE that would be no bad thing......

  • afonleas
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22 Sep 12 #357380 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
So sorry that you are feeling this way,but your hubby''s behaviour is so familiar to myself and countless other wiki''s.
They control us in a very subtle way,a way which we cannot see happening at the time,but over time it becomes the norm.
Like yourself,he was my world,my soulmate,my whole being,but he dicided to go looking elsewhere and found his Rent a Bike!!!! after a few attempts of reconcilation in the beginning,he refused to leave her,but then Eureka he realised he wanted me and his life back,and after a minimal amount of soulsearching I refused him,so now my world is mine,I am happy,I am free of someone who i have no respect for,I have the love of my daughters and my friends and within the next month my Nisi will be through.
So please take heed,your life will go on,albeit in a differant way,but it will be your life so live it how you want,yes at times it''s lonely but remember there is always someone in chat whatever time,and we are all in this together and help each other.
Survive you will,and coming through the other side is good,look after yourself and take those baby steps forward,I promise you,you will get there!!!
Luv and cwtchs
Afon Xxx.....................

  • honeybeeee
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23 Sep 12 #357388 by honeybeeee
Reply from honeybeeee
Thanks Afon,
I am so glad I found this site & with all you lovely people on it.

To know I''m not the only one with these feelings, thoughts, doubts etc.....

Does the Divorce really take forever?

He has now decided/been advised that it would be better for us to legally Seperate, & has found on line a document that needs to be filled in REF. a Financial Settlement, which means that we both agree to 50% split of house sale, 50% of his Pension, which he will start paying as soon as I move out or house is sold, WHICH EVER COMES SOONEST !!!!!I can keep the battered in ond V.W Whatever model. He gets to keep the family 5 door estate.
Apparently, we have both agreed that I can keep the white goods....

All of which are at least 15yrs old & on there last legs any way... I would not want them coz on a practical level, they would take up so much space on Removal Van (which all costs money)

I get to keep our 2 dogs (or he would find a place in a dog resettlement kennels or what ever they are called..)

1 of our dogs could be rehoused no problem.The other 1 is such a highly strung dog, he would never ever settle any where.

We would both pay for our own Solicitors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITH WHAT???? Oh yes,,,,,,,,,MONOPOLY MONEY......

This is just a Draft that he has typed up.He would appreciate it I could read this email with the attachment ASAP so that when he get back from his Annual Golf Trip with all his brothers & friends he can take it with him to his Sol.

He went away on Thurs. to his Golf.

I went up to my Parents on the Sun.earlier as my Dad has suffered a string of minor Strokes recently. His memory has all but gone, if you did not know his Medical History, you would be convinced he is suffering from Dementia. Twice now the Hosp. has asked for all the Family to get there ASAP coz he might not survive next 24hrs.
I live 4 to 5hrs away(depending who is driving!!!)He now lives his life ( in his mind )when he was 20/25yrs old.
He goes on Parade & on Exercise.

Then, he is suddenly 60yrs old.Worried sick coz the companies that he has carried out thousands of pounds worth of work for wont pay up, & his Bosses are hounding him..He tells me that this is not right, & he dreams of the day when he can Retire....He just does not want to get out of bed any more to face the daily problems. Aaah but, those new Mobile contraptions that his Co.are tryinf
to force on him is a NoNO he is refusing to have one...

He is 82yrs old... BUT you try telling him that through his tears of anger & frustration that the monies owed are just not coming in..

He knows that 1 of his daughters lives a long distance away. BUT he''s sorry to say, that this lady standing in front of him is not his daughter.Then he asks me,can I tell him who I am, & why am I calling hin DAD????


We are an Ex Forces Family.Therefore Nomadic.

We came here coz he obtained employment,still with the Forces, but as a Civvy.It was great coz,both of us have known some of the people he works with for 35yrs plus & they are our friends. WELL. The big test is yet to come....
Will they still want to know me once the big D arrives????

I only work P/T.
I don''t belong here/have any Roots/ties here

I have lived away from the area I was born & brought up in for nearly 35yrs.
My children don''t consider themselves as ........ not like their Mum.
Neither do they consider themselves to be where their Dad comes from...

They are whats known as, in the most nicest way as FORCES BRATS......or rather COSMOPOLITAN, well travelled,well heeled....

What I''m trying to say is that...

Well,if its any one thats got to start again & move to Pastures New, its me...

Hey, our children are young adults now.


"hey Mum,so long as you & Dad can be happy we dont mind where you end up living, we will still come & visit you when we can. So don''t worry Mum, we both love you despite of everything...

So you can see why I am "such a Happy Teddy"

So despite all of this I am trying to put on a brave face. HOWEVER this apparently drives my Hubby mad,coz I am being flipant & sarcastic with my false smiles & forced cheerfullnes....

I''ve worn myself out now with all this typing coz it takes me so long.
Will now try to go to bed & get at least... ooh at least 1 possibly 2hrs sleep...

Nite Nite every one x

  • tinkerbell1606
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23 Sep 12 #357393 by tinkerbell1606
Reply from tinkerbell1606
Hello, sorry for the circumstances which have brought you to wiki.
It sounds like your ex has been planning his exit his way for some time.
You are emotionally vulnerable, what better time to get you to sign documents which forego your rights!
May I suggest that you seek legal advice IMMEDIATELY!
Or at the very least call the advice line on Wiki, after a long marriage a 50/50 split is a starting point, not a given.
There are lots of kind folks on the site who will help if they can regards legal details too.
Meanwhile, please take care of you, find a trustworthy friend that you can share with, try & eat properly, sleep etc.
Your future depends upon a reasonable & fair settlement, not him spending joint assets golfing whilst you worry about where you''re going to be able to afford to live!
You are doing a great job supporting your dad through a very difficult time in his life, build a network of folks who can help you through this if you can.
This site is invaluable and can help with so much, keep posting. Take care
Tink x

  • stukadivebomber
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23 Sep 12 #357397 by stukadivebomber
Reply from stukadivebomber
Yes, as Tink says, suggest you give the helpline a call.

Divorce doesn''t need to cost 1000''s in Solicitors fees, that''s what Wiki is good at!
It can be done & dusted in a few months, too.
...if you can agree things yourselves, & remain ''amicable''.

Don''t skimp on visiting your Dad. It won''t be easy, but it must be done. It might upset the focus of your divorce, but will be something tangible to aim yourself at, while your world is tumbling.

You may well lose "friends". You''ll certainly work out who the real ones are.
You will also make new ones....but it''s hard work, & takes time.

I''m stuck with worthless white goods & car too. It''s not a problem until they stop working. Worry about it then!

  • rubytuesday
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23 Sep 12 #357404 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Welcome to Wikivorce, honeybeeee, although I''m sorry you have a need to be here.

My advise is to NOT sign anything, any kind of document, nor to agree in principle to anything until you have sought proper advice, either here on the forum, call the helplines, or seek a free 30 mins consultation with a family law solicitor.

The division of assets is dependant upon many factors - your ages, length of marriage, marital assets, marital debts, respective incomes and outgoings, any inability to work due to age/ill-health/disability are the main ones. It is not a straight-forward 50/50 spilt.


  • sim5355
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23 Sep 12 #357405 by sim5355
Reply from sim5355
hi! I agree with everything the others have said.seek legal advice most solicitors have a free half hour.
Do not agree to anything at this stage you are easy pickings for your ex who has decided he wants this and he wants that,well you have a say to do not be bullied.
I also agree 50/50 is starting point you may have older children but you earn a lot less .xx

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