Changed mind....

Well so much for agreeing a settlement.

STBX had agreed a settlement with myself, it was fair, she would get a large share of the equity of the house. But she agreed that she would not touch my pension and I would not touch hers, and that my endowment would not be touched either.

Now I have a letter from her solicitor saying that my pension WILL be hit and my endowment too. What the hell? I thought the offer was fair, she would get over £65k and I would get maybe £30k from the equity. It was not a great deal for me, but I could manage on it. Now it looks like she will get £77k and me £18k. And I paid for the bloody house all these years, not her.

If this goes through the way her lawyer seems to be pushing it will cripple me. Now I know she needs to buy a house again, but so do I. How the hell can this be regarded as fair? Especially as she is pushing on some verbal agreement made when we got together to get the £48k she got from selling her house. Then wants to back out of a verbal agreement she made at the end of the marriage.

Jesus.... She has turned into a money grabbing b*tch.

Hi Stumpy

Cant offer any advice im afraid, but you can have my sympathy.
I too have found myself in that exact situation, 3 weeks ago me and stbx agreed finances verbally, we even agreed a split for a Clean Break rather than SM (his wages are substancially higher than mine). Yet last week i get an email from his solicitor (who he just wanted to run it past) saying it was no deal! Grrrr!
I sometimes think solicitors cause more harm than good, if 2 people are in agreement (as long as one not being done over and not realising) then let them get on with it surely? Only of course solicitors dont tend to make much money from people that are in agreement!!!
Good luck
Miss x

The thing is, the deal we agreed would be fair to both of us. It still would not be great for me but would at least allow me to have enough to buy a new house. Keep my mortgage down to a reasonable amount bearing in mind I would be paying maintenance, which she is trying to use as income for her next mortgage coincidentally. But the main thing is I would at least be getting something back on a house I paid for over the last 9 years.

The way its now looking I am not even going to have the deposit I used when the legal bills are taken into consideration. Yet she will have her money back plus all of mine too. That to me seems unfair. She is struggling to get a mortgage, I know, because she only works part time. Well simple solution. Work full time, because I am not there to support her any more, through HER choice.

I feel that this mess from her solicitor is ripping me off to the extent that I am facing financial ruin. My earings over tha last 9 years went to her, and a large slice of my earning over the next 12 years or more will go to her. And she wants my pension too. And my savings, and everything. She had that when we were together, she chose to run away with someone else. As far as I am concerned the pair of them can support each other. Her choice.

I know legally it doesnt work that way, which again seems unfair. I just dont want to be ripped off. I want some common sense to prevail, so both of us can get on with our loves rather than her getting everything and me being screwed.

Hi Stumpy,

It might be worth pointing out to your stbx that if this is going to be a battle through the courts, the equity will quickly dissipate. Even if she is on legal aid, she will have to pay it back from any capital she receives and if she decides to have a "charge on property", the outstanding amount earns interest at 8%.

Her solicitor will have increased the amount in order to give them bargaining power, hoping to meet somewhere in the middle. It may well be worth your while to sit back round the table and slightly increase your offer.

Best wishes,
NWTT.

She is on legal aid and she knows that she will have to pay back the money when the settlement comes.

I have no idea why she has suddenly changed her mind, after all the solicitor is meant to advise her and work to her instructions, not the other way around. She did say the last time we spoke that her solicitor was using my pension as "Leverage" as she put it. Now it seems her solicitor is determined that she will get my pension and as much as she can rip out of me.

Again it has to be borne in mind, my earnings paid everything for 9 years. She paid very little except on herself. It was me that kept us buoyant financially. Yet she is wanting to have her cake and eat it, leaving me with less than I entered into this relationship with.

The offer we had agreed was that somewhere in the middle. Now its being skewed to such a degree that she will get £39,000 more than she brought to the marriage and I will get £5000 more than I brought. This to me seems to be utterly insane.

I just hope that my solicitor will rip this to shreds. And hopefully enforce what we agreed.

Just had a major blow up at STBX. She dropped my sons nintendo ds off and I asked her about the letter from her solicitor.

She said that she wasnt trying to rip me off. What a bloody joke. Especially when you consider her actions so far. I explained that if she goes after my pension that I will be left with nothing to buy a house with. And that it was my income that paid for this house and everything in it. Her response was comical if it wasnt so nuts.

"I am just following what my solicitor tells me to do" and "You came here with debts." That is true. I has a loan for the grand total of £2000. Whoopee. She had credit card debts of over that. Yet she thinks that is somehow important???

I made sure and point out that I put over £100,000 into our joint finances. That I paid for everything during our time together. That it was in fact MY money that allowed us to have this house, not hers. And she said that she wasnt going after my pension. Funny how her lawyer is saying she is.....

I will admit that I lost it at the end. Her total denial and abrupt crap just got to me. And I swore at her. Buy under the circumstances I think that is understandable.

hi!
when you were out working and paying for everything was your ex home looking after the children?