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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


  • Flowers2012
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16 Oct 12 #361353 by Flowers2012
Topic started by Flowers2012

I''m about to go into mediation with my husband I don''t really know what to expect from the meetings.

  • fairylandtime
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16 Oct 12 #361364 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Hi flowers

I attend 2 mediation meeting with x, usually (or at least in my case) both x & I met with mediator first separately, then they decided that we could attend the meetings together.

2 mediators, very objective wich was good, first one reviewed the children and access & agreed who would divorce who & why etc.

For the second one we were sent away in the first with requirement for finical disclosure, they asked for 3 sets of copies of each & as much info as we could ... Tbh my packs were massive, labled etc etc X''s terrible but heyho. We thrashed out the finances, agreed in principle (signing these packs), both then went away and took these to our solicitors for review.

These made up the Consent Order & we went from there.

It was harrowing, needed kalms & rescue remedy to get through them, being in the same room with x & in a confrontational type meeting was really hard. However, mediators were great, it really helped with the costs (mediation costs but it is less than fighting it out with sols / in court).

Try it, it may work for you also. But make sure you (in-yourself) are ready for it, I ended up having to put it off for a few months although we have seen mediators and agreed a date, I just couldn''t face it with everything else that was happening, so postponed - mediators understood, x was less forgiving.

Stay strong JJx

  • robinson25
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16 Oct 12 #361373 by robinson25
Reply from robinson25
hi i went through about 5 sessions of mediation and i found the first few very emotional. It did give us the chance to talk with an independant witness present and i found that helpful.We spent the rest of the time going through finances and i felt bullied by my x and the mediator, i felt they wanted it all done and dusted. My sol advised me to go mediation to keep costs down and we started not long after seperaton, that was my mistake i wasnt ready for it yet he was, he had already moved on.

Nothing that is decided is legally binding, and my personal circumstances changed somewhat when my father died leaving me some money enabling to buy him out. However the solicitors had to sort him not touching my inheritance if i left him all his pension and endowments.

it is worth trying mediation but if you find it too hard dont feel you have to carry on with it. its not easy.

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16 Oct 12 #361376 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
I attended two sessions of mediation.
we initially met mediator separately to discuss what we wanted from mediation.I wanted to discuss fiances, stbx wanted to discuss kids (as they were refusing to see him). It was agreed we would spend half the session on each.
In reality what happened was he refused to discuss finances.
I had to take the kids to see the mediator who spoke to them privately. We agreed a plan to encourage kids to see him n made a review date. Plan failed, he spoilt it each time. On the feedback session from the kids i found it heartbreaking to hear what they had said about their dad but he just blamed me.
we again agreed a plan for kids, he refused to discuss finances he "wasn''t in the right place"!!!
he visited the kids as planned, he behaved like he always has and the kids ended upset. I refused to put them through it again.. mediation failed.
£500 wasted in my case but knowing my stbx it was bound to, he doesn''t like to be advised on anything.
Tbh the mediator wasn''t very helpful and really just let us sort it amongst ourselves!
Try it.. i has high hopes to save a lot of money but it didn''t work for us..
Good luck

  • julie321
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17 Oct 12 #361396 by julie321
Reply from julie321
I am interested in this post as I too have been advised to attend mediation. The only misgiving I have is that my stbx always thinks he is right. I have been in company with him where everyone has been telling him what he has said is incorrect and he would not except it.
He even questioned quiz masters on the TV if he got the answer wrong lol.

  • Platinum Member
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17 Oct 12 #361403 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
Julie 321, my stbx is exactly the same. I think it will depend on the mediator, ours did,t appear very interested.
My best advice would be to give it a try, you never know until you do. As it was arranged session by session you don''t need to book follow ups until it suits you.

You will generally get a feel for how it will go. I gave my stbx two sessions because I really did want to resolve the issues with the kids but he expected both me and them to go along with everything that he said. Unfortunately that is what got us into this situation in the first place, he says he has learnt a lot from been by himself but he hasn''t he is still the same selfish person he always was.
For mediation to work both parties have to be willing to compromise.

Good luck

  • cliasmol£7
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17 Oct 12 #361437 by cliasmol£7
Reply from cliasmol£7
Don t waste your money, there is no need for full financial disclosure with these people, they can t give legal advice, in fact do very little for their money, with this route you will not get all that you are entitled too.
Following mediation session from hell last week, saw Solicitor, who is lovely yesterday and filed for court proceedings, but can t get a date until January.
I had a very silly letter this morning from Mediating Solicitor, who is rude/ incompetent etc," that she would consider seeing us again, with our respective Solicitors "
I think @ £150 hour + VAT , each to give no advice/ produce no paperwork most people would !
It is rather complicated, but am thinking of reporting her to Law Society to prevent her ripping others off.
What do others think ?

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