Hi, writing this out of total desperation without knowing what to do...
So here’s my story..
Got married in 2004, I’m 41, wife 46.. two children 16, 10. Was forced by wife(long story there, daily pestering, taunts, etc, I lost the will to live on many occasions..) to buy a house, now worth 650k, took personal loans (now paid off) and borrowed money from relatives for the deposit, all cleared by me alone, zero contribution from wife) I am the sole Earner and contributor towards mortgage and all expenses
Daily arguments ensued over finances etc and I was constantly threatened that shell call police etc.. kids have been made to believe that I’m the bad guy.. when in 95% on the instances I was provoked.. instigated by comments or taunts from her...
So few months ago.. during an argument, she made this accusation that I hit her, and called my son and made him call cops, I was taken away, released the next day without any charge. Apparently she refused to sign anything and later on claims that she did not do that as it would impact my job and thereby finances. I have since then been living separately.. which I was for more than a year and I only came to live in that house to provide any thing for my children during Covid times .. bad move I think now..
Children’s services got involved and they closed the case as I’m not longer living in that house.
Now .. how can I proceed with the divorce.. How would the property be split.. how much do I pay her..? I don’t want my children to face any challenges.. I want them to be as comfortable as they can be ... I am heartbroken, depressed that I can’t see them...but don’t want them to see this daily drama that she plots...
Welcome to Wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here.
There is a lot of information on the site about the divorce process and how to navigate it. If you need additional help you can call our helpline.
At present without admitted adultery or two years' separation with consent/5 years without the only way to divorce is to use unreasonable behaviour grounds. These may be reasonably mild but must be sufficient for the court to agree it is not reasonable for the marriage to continue. It doesn't matter which of you is petitioner; the reasons for the divorce have no bearing on financial settlement - and in any case you can agree that the marriage has broken down but disagree with the reasons given.
Sorting out the finances can be tricky. It is important to remember that settlement is based on needs - for housing and income, now and in the future. The needs of children are a priority at least until they are old enough to be independent. Both parties are expected to maximise their incomes. Not working would only be accepted if there was a medical reason/disability etc.
The start point for division of assets after a long marriage with dependent children is 50:50 but it doesn't necessarily end up like that. You have to look at what there is in the pot and what it will cost to house everyone.
The best way to resolve things is to do it by agreement. mediation can help but if you cannot agree a settlement that's fair to both of you, the court may have to be involved.
We can give you a bit of a steer if you are able to provide a bit nore information - ages, length of the marriage, incomes, value of former marital home, mortgage, size of FMH, pension cev, loans, and value of any other assets - business, cars, savings, shares etc.
As far as the children are concerned, contact with them must be for their benefit. Ideally child arrangements should be agreed between you. Your older child is old enough to decide what works, contact with the younger one could be decided by the courts.
It is important to arm yourself with as much information as possible and make sure you are being realistic about outcomes.
We are here for moral as well as practical support.
Some details here , sorry for delayed reply, Covid...
Got married in 2004, so 17 years of marriage, i started living separately in 2019, I’m 42, wife 47.. two children 16, 10. I am the sole Earner and contributor towards mortgage and all expenses. She earns doing a job but spends nothing towards shared expenses. My Take home is about 6k per month after taxes. Have a house, 6 bedroom semi detached, now worth 650k, Mortgage outstanding is about 400K. Other assets is mostly some jewellery and the stuff in the house. Car i have is on lease, 600 GBP per month. Pension is deducted as source, dont know how to check it .
Hope this helps.
I have been going through serious bouts of depression and dont know where to go / what to do .. socially its very embarassing and insulting to hear the stuff shes spreading about me having affairs or being aggressive towards her etc..