I started divorce proceedings last year DIY fashion and received the Nisi. It became apparent early in marriage that my husband is either unwilling or unable to have a joint conversation about almost anything from the smallest to biggest,he also tends to live in the past. Many days have been lost due to my weighing for a response on things such as what dates he intended to visit his family (they live about 5 hrs drive away) so that I could make plans for school hols/possibly arrange family hols(never happened) to Christmas/Birthday presents for daughter. Not once has he ever instigated a discussion about any kindnof plan for now or future. I felt I had been in constant limbo as I had believed it be be correct that we discussed things together and to lead by example by admin his thoughts before doing something therefore missing out on opportunities to arrange/make plans myself. Even when I started this process I actually stood and asked him what his feelings on subject were as he hadn't mentioned it once to me (not one word) and we all reside in same house. I keep visiting this site and the internet and have been procrastinating I realise not knowing which area to deal with first-i have long term health conditions therefore working only part time so finances are a huge issue. Both my parents (divorced years back and both now married) say I should be engaging a solicitor but I had hoped that if I went down a less formal route it would cause less animosity and upset (our just turned 11 year old is still unaware). I had originally even thought about moving out myself so that it couldn't be said that I hadn't done this for the house etc) but came to realise during lockdown how much I needed the garden at home so was glad I hadnt. I know he resents my working part time. I need to do this now (I'm assuming we would have to sell house. - I believe he thinks he will stay in it) and my daughter starts comp in September so need tdo know where we will be living-i just don't know what positive action to start with? I did get my dad to print off and send the financial form to me but haven't given to my other half yet and suspect I may not get the whole truth or even if it would get completed.
I think you would learn over the first two months working with one of our consultants, and you would then be in a much better position to judge how to progress on with the rest of the case - either continuing with our consultant and / or using a mediator or solicitor.
I wrote a letter to my husband (as is unable to discuss anything -we do live in same house) giving our options so that he had time to read and think about. I mentioned 1)working out finances together 2) use a mediator or 3) go to solicitor but I did not wish to be enemies. (I also mentioned if he wanted I had example finance sheet-i'd got my dad to print off and post to me) 2 weeks later, there was not one mention even of the fact I'd handed him this letter. How do I move forward??? I have Cfs, work part time and term time (which he clearly resents due to our lack of money but as I am left to do Everything else, unable to physically or mentally take on anymore work with my health). It's school hols and I'm spending my day trying to do repairs on house, touching up best I can physically & financially) deal with this, clear out where possible, bulk cooking dinners - cheaper/healthier, cleaning, paperwork , stressing about all this, responsible for our pets and daughter, he walks in (often earlier than he used to dues to covid or has random days off) and starts working on his van/cycles/latest projects/eBay connected to these projects) and I feel like I've hit a brick wall at Least twice a week. Am I just best to bit bullet and get a solicitor? I don't seem to be able to find one that might consider legal aid (even if advert says otherwise) and worry that when I do get one they might not be a good one. My head is spinning. Sorry, I'm typing as though ranting out loud.