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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Restraining order and financial advice

  • Mr Ed
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13 May 22 - 13 May 22 #519301 by Mr Ed
Topic started by Mr Ed

I've been separated from my stbex wife for 15 months and seem to have come to a standstill with the divorce process.

Some background information is we cohabited for 10 years and married for 10 and have 2 children, 22 yr left home, and 10 yr old son and have a property with 10yrs remaining mortgage.

Long story short, she assaulted me 15 months ago and was issued a 2 year restraining order and by default forced to leave the marital home. She has drink and mental health problems for many years and she breached the order several times and only stopped harassing after finally receiving a conditional discharge.

Up until a few weeks ago my sister was kindly taking our son to see her on Saturdays but has now reached the end of her tether as she has let her down so many times and she has had enough. Our son is happy living with me and frankly and unfortunately knows what his mum can be like but obviously still wants to see her. Since a few weeks ago I have been taking him myself with my new partner (not living together) and she has been taking the little one to the door so as not to breach the order. The ex is now in a new relationship and moved in with a new partner 2 months ago and I have been communicating with him for child arrangements via text message.

Some more background. I have been taking care of the divorce and finally am awaiting the Decree Nisi after long delays due to covid and nearly £3000 down. An offer was made by my then solicitor which she accepted, lump sum to her so that me and our boy can stay at the property. I have since stopped using my solicitors due to cost spiralling and elected to represent myself to finish the divorce end of things, and to complete the Consent Order for finances as a fixed fee through Wikivorce as there was an agreement on the table and I planned to remortgage soon and pay her off.

As mentioned I have been communicating with her about child arrangements via her new partner and in the last 3 weeks she has revoked what was agreed!!! She has made ridiculous financial demands based around the following.

She had an inheritance of £45000 before we were married which was spend on the wedding and honeymoon and deposit on the house. We were cohabiting at that time.

We had accrued debt of nearly £40000, loans and credit cards combined and had been clearing them through a debt charity DMP with £28000 remaining. Matrimonial debt but largely in my name as I took care of the finances and moreover a lot was due to long periods she was not working.

The previous agreement prior to this was essentially the value of the house less the mortgage and debt, divided by 2; with me paying this lump sum and also continuing to pay the remaining debt including her half this being £14000. She’s now demanding the 45000 inheritance and claiming the debt is mine not matrimonial.

The original offer was only excepted by email so nothing legally binding but an agreement now seems a million miles away. Needless to say I’ve also continued to pay the mortgage and debt off for the last 15 months, payed out legal fees whereas she has not done anything. At this stage I’ve (rightly or wrongly) told her I’m downing tools as I’ve paid enough and her proposal is a joke and I wait to hear from her solicitor. I don’t think she even has one and she has done nothing to financially disclose as yet whereas I did this at the start of the process. I was happy to go ahead with the Consent Order however as I most definitely know her finances.

I suppose I have a few concerns here one of which is that when the restraining order expires in 10 months could she possibly just walk back through the door? I’ve enquires about extending it and am waiting to hear back from the court. I’ve enquired about mediation but again this is costly and not sure if possible due to the restraining order. I was keen to get it done and dusted but just don’t know where to turn now.

Any advice is greatly appreciated…
Last edit: 13 May 22 by Mr Ed. Reason: Spelling

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