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Feelings re ex-partner moving on

  • lolly75
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08 May 12 #329116 by lolly75
Topic started by lolly75
Hi there, new to all this forum stuff so please be gentle with me!
Nearly a year on from seperation and I found out from my boys yesterday that their dad has introduced them to ''a female friend''. Feel totally gutted and heartbroken but also feel ridiculous as it was me that told him to leave and I thought I was doing ok on my own with my boys. Obviously not.
Just don''t know what to do now.
Any advice, similar stories would be very much appreciated.


  • maisymoos
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08 May 12 #329117 by maisymoos
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It is always going to be hard when you know your children are going to introduced to a new partner, but that is life! I think all you can hope is that your ex manages it in the right way.

Slowly and gradually in my view is best and not wham bam "I''ve got a new girlfriend whos staying over tonight!!"

My ex had a affair and basically the kids were thrown straight into his secret life, this was hard on them and was very painful for me but I had little choice. The cards will eventually turn and it may be you wanting to introduce them to a new partner, all I can say is really think how to manage this best for the children.

  • TBagpuss
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08 May 12 #329118 by TBagpuss
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I think this is very common. Even though you knew, and made the choice, that therelationship was over, you still have practical and emotional links to your ex and it is perfectly natural that you should feel upset.

Ithink the important thing is to avoid letting this spill over into how you react to the boys, or to your ex. One way of looking at it is to consider how you would want your ex to behave if/when you have a new partner, and do that. It''s in the boys interests that they feel comfortable chatting to you natuiarally about their life with their dad, which includes thm seeing and forming a relationship with dad''s new partner. It may be helpful if you can think of it as something you dio for them, notfor your ex!

Do you have a friend or relative or counsellor who you can ''vent'' to? It''s fine to feel angry / upset / betrayed, just as long as you are not showing that to your ex or the boys, or talking about it to people where it will get back to him or them.

Ending a relationship involves a grieving process, and there''s no ''right'' or ''wrong'' way to do it, or time-limit set down for how long it takes. Be kind to yourself.

  • Marshy_
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08 May 12 #329140 by Marshy_
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Hi Lolly. TB is right I think. This is a grieving process. Perhaps you have not grieved for the loss of yr marriage? Its often called acceptance when we fully realise that the relationship is fully over and we dont feel anything when the ex has met someone new. Try thinking of him with someone else. Perhaps also add the boys meeting her. This maybe tough for you to imagine. But doing so, may enable you to get used to ideas and concepts that you may feel are painful and you will be able to get used to them to the point where you dont care. Then we are said to accept that its over and you will feel a whole lot better about the situation. C.

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