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  • hattiedaw
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09 Aug 12 #348434 by hattiedaw
Topic started by hattiedaw
Why is it in the big role of separation that parents have to always try to out do each other with who''s the best?
I see it so often on here "she keeps the kids dirty and feeds them chips 3 times a day".."he lets them stay up and watch horror movies".
We are all parents and we all parent differently. No right and wrong, just different.
When my son was young my ex husband and me used to argue on who''s turn it was to do bathtime "it''s your turn", "no I did it last night", "well I''m tired", "does he really need a bath?", "nah lets just give him a wash and brush his teeth coz that films starting in 20 minutes"...was quite normal in our house and yet we were considered very good parents.
Yet once we were separated he turned into superdad and I turned into Myra Hindley!
I was watching my friends kids yesterday. Now she is an excellent mum, she lives for her kids. Her ex thinks (now) that she''s an appalling mum. These kids were in the garden making a "frog home". They had muddy knees, mud streaks on their faces, had half dug the lawn up (!) but were having FUN!!! Now if these 2 kids were put in the middle of town and people were asked to judge if they were well cared for or not then most would say "no".
Thats because people didnt see what I saw. Mum carrying endless buckets of water outside for them, mum taking out snacks and drink and (I would have forgotten this bit) baby wipes for little grubby hands, mum taking photos of the frog home to print off so the kids can show their classmates come September. Nor did most people see the lovely warm bubble bath they shared later whilst playing with the bath toys, the way mum cleaned their finger nails with her manicure kit to make it exciting, the way mum joked that they had a frog in their hair (causing massive laughter), nor did everyone see 2 exhausted but very happy squeaky clean kids tucked up in warm clean beds, wearing clean pj''s enjoying a movie in their bedroom as a treat.
Then they didnt see very tired mum mopping mud off the kitchen floor, filling holes in in the lawn etc.
I did.
It''s the big picture...look at the big picture. It''s all about different parenting, not wrong parenting, we''re all different.

  • WhiteRose
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09 Aug 12 #348438 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Hattiedaws,

Is it your friend who is having problems with people thinking the kids are not looked after?

  • hattiedaw
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09 Aug 12 #348440 by hattiedaw
Reply from hattiedaw
Not really, it''s from a post on here with the poster critisising the other parent for not cleaning the children properly.
It comes up so often doesnt it?

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09 Aug 12 #348450 by WhiteRose
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Oh - I see ............

Each situation is different and as you say mindset can change once separation occurs.

Khan wrote a great post - I love this:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...e-Truth-for-Men.html

For each parent PWC or NRP who behave in a way to ''get'' at the other via the kids, please read the above post, pause and do the right thing.

;)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11