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why the need for cotrol

  • grafter
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29 Aug 12 #352532 by grafter
Topic started by grafter
Hi everyone.
Ive posted before but will try and keep this short.
Im nearly divorced,after wat I thought was a wonderful marrige to a wpnderful wife.18 months ago my stbx left I belive to look for that greener grass.she is with someone now and has been since dau one unoficially.
In that time she has littery put me through hell,she has changed totaally.and me and our 3 kids have paid the price,all of us now hardly sre each other.from being so close and loving,the envy of most familys we knew.
U met some one new in jan this year and wr love each other very much,i wiuld call it destiny.but I cant totally be happy with the sit regarding our kids,my new partner fully understands.
So yesterday I did something abiut it and text my ex a very polite message considering wat shes done.basically ti put all this behind us and try and put right some of the damage with our kids.it tooj a lpt for me to send it but thought the kids are worth it.but as yet no replu.i must say that my ex partner is the total oppisete of me in every way hes is not nice.and wonder if he has anything to do with the no reply.
Why do these exs who leave and cause devastation,and hurt beyond belief.continue to strive for control,even were kids are involved.she has her happy exciting life,ive moved on.why cant she help to repair some of her damage.
Thanks grafter

  • WhiteRose
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29 Aug 12 #352540 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Grafter,

It may have nothing to do with control.

Maybe your ex hasn''t replied for many reasons.

We often say here not to reply instantly to Exs - but to write the message, save as draft and re-read the following day.

She may be busy.

Don''t get worked up assuming this is about control, its only been a day so far. :unsure:

  • Stumpylad70
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30 Aug 12 #352770 by Stumpylad70
Reply from Stumpylad70
I am in a similar situation Grafter. I know how you feel.

If I am texting my wife I try to keep it short and to the point. Just business as it were. Occasionally I will fail in that because she is being completely unreasonable but I still try to keep it simple and unemotional.

I dont know if she is trying to control the situation or not. After all she walked out. I asked her to stay and at least try to work things out but she refused. In many ways we are both to blame.

She also has an exciting new life. The guy she left me for is as she says fun. She is going out gigging and having a great time. I am left at home struggling. I hardly see my son, the new guy is taking him all over.

The funny thing is that his ex says he is a total control freak. Oh well.

In any case, be careful how you word any communications. I have had that thrown at me. Though I was not rude, nor confrontational, I was called "scum" by the guy that helped wreck my marriage.

What you should try to strive for is not control. It should be balance. You are equally responsible for your children, try to gently remind your ex of this. You want to be there for them, and make sure they are happy.

Take care and I hope someone else will be able to give better advice than I can.

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