Oh Happy, I would be soooo happy to speak to you. My eighth husband, Krzysztof, just called me while I was having my bi-weekly tidy at Toni and Guy's. He says that his boss at McDonalds will simply not let him work more than 84 hours a week, because of a downturn in burger flipping, so I am going to have to have to tighten my Moschino belt a little. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO unfair! My eldest daughter Tamsin simply HAS to have a new pony for the gymkhana next week after the unfortunate accident with the last two. I did tell her that they really shouldn't try to jump over the horsebox, even if it was parked in a ditch. I am so upset that I cannot even carry all my shopping back to the car, so will have to call Dimitri the chauffeur to collect the Jimmy Choux purchase later.
My previous two husbands are crying 'foul' on the child maintenance, saying that they are having to take pay cuts in the current credit crunch and are going personally bankrupt. I simply don't believe it. Why Harvey Nicks was booming the other day as I collected some minor purchases the other day. Krysztof has been to the job centre and they suggested an evening job to help make ends meet. Being Polish, he seems very well qualified for the dancing job they sent him for an interview for. I said that I would tell Jasmine, my middle daughter, that we would wait until she was 12 before she had her tattoos done - That should save us a pretty penny. Well I spoke with my solicitor and she told me that if I divorced my husband, the nice people at the benefits agencies would take care of all my expenses. Great i thought - I can just charge it all to account! So I told the solicitor to get on with the paperwork. Something about being reasonable I think. Anyway, would be delighted to meet you for tea at the Ritz one afternoon to tell you my story,
Look forward to fleecing you
Mrs M T Purse