It''s 4am and I can''t sleep although I feel both physically and mentally drained. So I thought I would get up for a short while and take a look on the forum with a cup of hot milk, only I forgot I have run out of milk another let down, still I should be used to let downs by now. So a cup of black coffee instead.
Whoever coined the phrase "emotional roller coaster " certainly hit the nail on the head. I still find myself thinking that I will wake in the morning to find it''s all been a bad dream or a phone call or text to say "sorry".After all she has done to me I still have that annoying thought perhaps she has a reason instead of just seeing her as the nasty person that she has become and how she has destroyed my life and her own family.
One minute I think I am ok then it hits me again, I need to pick myself up and realise what is going on and start to put my life together. When I wake in the morning the fog descends. I won''t ask the question how long does this go on for as it''s like how long''s a piece of string. This forum certainly has been a great help to me and appreciate that there are people on here who are having things far worse than my predicament .
So just sitting here for a little while then I shall try and get back to sleep. Goodnight or should I say Good morning all and stay strong.
I won''t ask the question how long does this go on for as it''s like how long''s a piece of string.
I know you didnt ask it. But I will answer it. It goes on as long as you want it to. As soon as you decide enough. Then thats it. It will be over. The hard part is getting to the point where you can get to the point to say its over. And this requires some acceptance.
And acceptance is what you really really need. Without acceptance, you go nowhere.
Your life isnt over. Or destroyed. All thats happened is that someone is missing. Your home is still there. And all the other stuff is still there. This is one thing you need to grasp. That its not over. Its just not started yet. And again, it dont start until you decide that it starts.
These I know sound glib and flippant. I know cos I read the words back. But I am a lot further on than you. At least 7 years. And I can tell you with total certainty that the words are true. I was in the same boat as you once. And I know that the only person that can rescue you is you. As I rescued myself once.
But to start on the long road to acceptance, you have to accept that its over and stop blaming. Nothing you did. She did this. I know your in pain. But it helps if you dont blame. There is no long term milage in blame. Keep blaming and all that does is make you bitter.
Look at what you have. Could things be worse? You may find that things could be a lot worse. And that your troubles are all with you. Change and your troubles change. To ones of buying milk.
But make no mistake. This is a tough journey you are embarking on. And you will learn a lot. Mostly about people and yourself. So this isnt the end. Its the end of the beginning. It all starts.... Now and lasts the rest of your life. This is your blip in your timeline. You have a choice. Stay where you are down in the hole. Or scramble up and out. C.
your feelings are so raw still, but with time you will except that your marriage is over. don,t be so hard on yourself we,ve all been there it,s only natural to feel that way, you did the right thing to get up you could get a paper and pen and write all your feelings down, your ex won,t see them so you can really get your hurt and pain out safely never bottle things up, give yourself time it will get better
Thanks all for the replies. Marshy I have read your post a number of times and it totally makes sense it is the acceptance that it is over as how can you move on, although I am trying to think of the future I still feel at the moment my heart is telling me one thing and my head is telling me another.
One thing you can be sure of,the wise old owl tells it like it is(C xx)his words,although at times you don''t want to hear them,are the way forward,I know!!! Many a time I have questioned them,purely because it was not what I wanted to hear,but taking on board and attempting to follow it through can be tough,but also when done,helps tremendously,and yes only ourselves can totally help ourselves........
Fitou,only you can decide the time you stay on the roller coaster,some are quicker than others,but pay no heed to that,we are talking about you.Every emotion is fought and hopefully dealt with,some of them I hated feeling,but they were there all the same.
The days,weeks and months pass,and slowly we begin to heal,our laughter becomes genuine and no longer false,I don''t know if we ever totally recover,but some go on and have fantastic relationships so maybe we do??
My only advice to you is,
"It will take as long as it takes"
There is light at the end of the tunnel though,and you will find yourself a totally differant person,you cannot go through a battle without carrying some scars,but a scar reminds us of where we have been,and where we are at presently,so I wear my scar with some pride,it has defined the person I am today.I came through to the other side,and yes although at times there is some:( there are many who will testify that there are loads of:laugh: in my life,and long may that continue.
my heart is telling me one thing and my head is telling me another.
This is a common phenomenon. Your head and heart are not in synch. Perhaps a better way of saying it is you are emotionally attached still. But the good news is that as long as this situation continues, you will become more and more emotionally decoupled.
You can help yourself though. Have a good hard think about her. What she did and why. Get to the route of it. Then you will start to see the ex as what they really are. Nothing special. Just another person and one that is someone you used to know. C.