Look I know exactly what you mean, but in my experience what you say is NOT true, very few people (if any) have seen both sides of the coin, that''s not saying that people feel a bias; as the saying goes a system is only fair if it is fair in your own favour...!
However I often feel that the system is very quick at being on the side of the female party, when the man has to fight to do the same thing...
I do take your point but giving me the situation as you do may be realistic, but it does not make it fair
Hi Murray and welcome to wiki. I''m sorry to read of your situation and can assure you that not only will you feel less alone now you''ve joined this supportive community, but that you will get lots of support from male and female wikis!
I think the crucial link is that we''ve all suffered the loss of our relationship and a wide range of unreasonable behaviour from our ex partners. We can truly sympathise with others who are going through the same.
When things feel overwhelming try writing a blog and people will leave supportive messages. Try going into Chat where you''ll be made welcome and will be able to spend time with people who understand what you''re going through.
You know when you buy a car and all of a sudden everywhere you drive you see the same?, it''s the same with divorce issues, more so, your focused and it''s your life so it''s very important, is there a bias?, you''ll find as many men say there is as women but from opposite poles, what really matters is doing your best from where you are, ongoing, leave bias to campaigners.
Divorce is hell. Whoever said that was a fool. Those words dont describe it adequately at all.
This is nothing to do with being a man and everything to do with being an ex. When you was with her, you were the mutts nuts. Now your not, your the stuff on the shoe. This is all part of life''s colourful relationship tapestry where one day you are in and the next you are out.
Look beyond what is being chucked at you. Look at why. Why is this person chucking all this sh*t at me. Why am I being treated like a total plank. Its down to blame. You are blamed for everything. Sink is blocked, bulb blows, its raining. All down to you chum. But honestly, are you to blame for the banking crises and the sinking of the Belgrano? No. You should only take the blame for what is in your lap. You are a human. And you will be late and you will make mistakes. So dont accept the blame. Just raise the middle finger, spin on your heals and walk away. And add a smile to that list cos you managed to raise her BP by just being you. Being a thorn in someone side has two sides to it.
Lastly, the only really important job you have is being number one dad to the kids. That job''s description does not include being someone''s bit*h. So just ignore it. Carry on. Just ignore her. She is just a nasty child minder. C.
Spot on Marshy. I got the blame for my ex leaving me it was all my fault I pushed him into the arms of OW. I totally ignore anything he says as I know the truth and I can hold my head high.
Concentrate on you be the bigger person and act with dignity as best you can. You will feel better for it believe me I do.
There are two sides to every story, often they are diametrically opposed, one says black is black the other white is white, it''s often a bit grey even if the protagonists can''t see it.
Court is piggy in the middle, two story''s two arguments, all court, lawyers,the whole shebang can do is try and do what''s best for the child/ren, is it perfect?, of course not, often it''s a mess, it is what it is and the wheels turn slowly in the legal world, to focus on, this is unfair, or this is biased is a mistake, make the best of it.
There are those with an agenda, perhaps they did badly in court, or so they thought, singular experience is of little value in the big picture, that''s across law not just contact
or res issues, if you can stay away from extremes, groups with an agenda, if you spend five minutes on the net you''ll find woman''s groups who portray men as violent abusers ect, the same for extreme men''s groups, they''ll tell men how to get out of paying maintenance for their own children, which is despicable, it''s not to say there are no very good support networks, there are many often run by people who lived through extreme situations and now spend oodles of time helping others, in fact there are a few right here on wiki, thankfully.
I don''t doubt for a moment that there is an anti-father bias in the family courts, not only of this country, but of most western countries.
While my perspective is very different from Dukey''s (and I often disagree with him ) he is correct that worrying about bias is not constructive to a case, and that the issue is best left to the campaigners - and campaigning is best done after your case has ended and when your head is clear.
I used to be a member of F4J, and before that of FNF. They are not extreme, and most of what they believe is quite reasonable; I have no trouble with encouraging parents to withhold
child support if they are denied
. However F4J in particular encourages fathers to be angry and resentful in order to find cannon-fodder for its campaign, and fostering that sort of anger is unlikely to help a father prosecute his case.
My own view - perhaps controversially - is that if you really want to change the system you should join Wikivorce (which, unlike the other groups, is free) and lead by example: show the system how it needs to change.
What is really important is to understand that individual women themselves are not responsible for the bias and many of them - grandmothers, new partners, sisters - suffer the consequences just as deeply. Generalisations, therefore, such as that women are unreasonable, are profoundly unhelpful and offensive.
Meanwhile, if you want to understand WHY the system is biased, read Institutional Injustice by Martin Mears, former president of the Law Society, or read Karen Woodall''s blog on what has happened to all state-run family services.