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  • driven40
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15 Nov 13 #413763 by driven40
Topic started by driven40
Stbx has just subjected our child to an hours onslaught about not cleaning his teeth I had let little one up later to watch a bit of CHildren in need and I had brushed his teeth but he had 3 very wobbly ones which are a bit painful so I probably didn''t do it as well as I possibly could have well he really laid into us both about it getting the little one so upset he weed himself I can''t believe the onslaught over his teeth which he claims haven''t been clean for the past fortnight well he normally cleans them at night and he has them cleaned every morning as little on is unable to do it for himself this is just mental abuse surely

  • Mitchum
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16 Nov 13 #413777 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
This must have been very distressing for you and your son. It seems he really wanted to humiliate you, but in the process greatly distressed your son.

Such behaviour is just wrong. For the sake of your mental health and well-being and that of your son, refuse to be treated so badly. Being treated this way is unacceptable.

You are in the process now, so stay focused on getting to a safe place where you can be free from such abuse. Record all such incidents. It''s going to be tough dealing with him, but we''re here to support you.

  • Marshy_
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18 Nov 13 #413946 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Divorce brings out the worst in people. There is so much tension and bitterness flying around that any little issue is blown up out of all proportions. I agree with Mitch. This goes away when the separation is done. Not really anyones fault. And its like walking on eggshells. But it will be over soon.

And some words to the wise.. Dont trade verbal blows with him. Just walk away. I learned that the tough way. C.

  • driven40
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18 Nov 13 #413949 by driven40
Reply from driven40
Thank you both my ad hoc solicitor has suggested an occupation order but I am worried I don''t have enough evidence and also having to defend myself against him in court and if it fails it could just make the situation 100 times worse.

I just keep documenting everything just frustrated how long the courts are taking with the Decree Nisi they couldn''t even tell me where my forms were this morning just in the pile if work to be done

  • CakesandFlowers
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18 Nov 13 #413951 by CakesandFlowers
Reply from CakesandFlowers
As tough as it is I agree with not necessarily going down the Occupation order route. As you say, your stbx would have a right to defend himself and it would make things a lot worse not only now but in the future also.

It does seem as if there is a huge backlog in the court system so I empathise with the delay you are facing. My partner when they have it, will have waited 5 months for a one hour direction hearing :dry: which will no doubt be another waste of time as his stbx still won''t have complied with anything.

  • Shezi
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18 Nov 13 #413956 by Shezi
Reply from Shezi
I''m inclined to agree with the others here - an occupation order doesn''t magically resolve problems with contact and relationships with children. I wouldn''t go this route other than as a last resort.

It is incredibly difficult to share a space during divorce. Your stbx will be finding it as stressful as you.

Some of the things you describe in your post sound abusive, yes. However, without knowing more, it would be easy to assume that means he is intending to be abusive. It may be that he is simply running on emotion in the way that most people in your situation will do.

driven40 wrote:

Yes and unfortunately he knows what buttons to press

I think it would be more productive for you to develop strategies to manage your own responses so that you don''t find yourself reacting to his behaviour. If you focus too much on trying to get your ex out, you may well miss what''s best for your children.

I know it''s difficult but try to maintain as much of a balanced view here as you can. It will get better and one day (hopefully sooner rather than later) you will have your own space.


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