In my head, I''m the way I was at seventeen, which, looking back, was gorgeous, though I didn''t know it then. Like all 17 year olds it never occurred to me that I would get old, fat, saggy, mottled. Had I thought about it at all I might have assumed there would be a time after spots and before wrinkles.
Now I am an unfortunate mix of the worst bits of both parents (mentally and physically) with quite a bit of my own ''letting go'' for good measure. My beautiful young body and mind were completely wasted on the younger me, which was full of insecurities. Perhaps it was these that led me down this sorry path. And his presumably that led him to me and the train wreck we are now in.
Eliza I agree my beautiful young body was completely wasted on insecure young me. How I detested my thighs and my little pudge of belly - all 8 1/2 stone of me and 5''6" tall. The only thing still the same is my height. Belly is a wreck due to two enormous preggo bellies, I fear that even if I, by some miracle, was back at 8 1/2 stone (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA) I would still have an overhang. And the thighs....let''s not even go there.
As for the insecurities...in some ways I am much stronger, but I fear that if anyone were to show any interest me, I would be stupid enough to put up with all kinds of crap and half measures again, simply because the little voice would be saying "what if this is the best you can do? what if no-one else is ever interested?". I still need to learn that being alone is ok, and definitely not the end of the world.
Oh god ljdh - I am NEVER taking my clothes off in front of anyone again! And NEVER putting myself in a relationship of such dependency and vulnerability again.
I just want to look better so that I don''t feel I have to apologise when I walk in a room or take up too much space on a bus. And so if I ever can afford to replace clothes I can do it in a normal shop or a charity shop and not have to go outsize. And so my children can be proud of me. And I can be proud of myself. (Hang on that just had me in tears).
I''m a bit serious, too stern a father I''m afraid who discouraged laughter, but you have actually done it, all alone I laughed out loud, thank you honey.
Well we need to hear from Declan, I''m assuming that''s George. And stumpy, I do hope you are long and lean because your name conjures up the gnomic for me too.
As for me, I am fabulous, long legged, tall, fantastic figure, sexy, oh the list of wonderful me goes on and on. Unfortunately before any of you will get to meet me I will have indulged in similar lunches to today''s one and my smooth thighs will have morphed into cold porridge, my luxuriant tresses dulled and thinned into string and a network of grooves will have been imprinted on my face in spite of sleeping with my head to magnetic north! I think I might hopefully be OK on the shaving front, odd plucking being sufficient. Ditto the odd sneeze remaining dry, except that the floor exercises remind me that I''m alone in the world....... And where is it that we are supposed to meet?
Hm - I am a bit concerned that you all seem to think I am being funny when I am in deadly earnest!!!
And thanks for reminding me Forester - I had forgotten about my beard! Hairy legs and armpits can remain hidden in my new nun-like existence, but facial hair is sprouting in spite of my increasing baldness.
See you all soon (those coming to the meet). I''ll be the one in a burka.