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It''s does get better....

  • samz
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15 Mar 14 #425987 by samz
Topic started by samz
I don''t know if anyone remembers me but I first came on this forum about 6 months ago with a sorry tale of how I found out that my husband of 14 years was having an affair.

I was on here nearly every day pouring my heart out to complete strangers & it amazed me to receive so much support from so many of you kind Wiki''s. You really helped me get through the nightmare that followed.

A lot of you told me that it will get better which at the time I found impossible to believe. But you were right, it does.

I might have it easier than a lot of you out there, as for me there are no financial problems or children involved in the separation but the road to recovery has still been incredibly hard for me. I''ve lost a husband, a lover, a friend & the person who I thought was my soul mate.

I know I''ve accepted the situation at last because I can feel the change in myself. I haven''t had a major meltdown in weeks & I can''t remember the last time I cried. I don''t feel sorry for myself anymore & I''m actually making plans for my future. I''m gradually slipping back into "before him" mode (I was on my own for 10 years before I met & married him) & beginning to enjoy my own company again. I wouldn''t say I''m happy just more at peace with myself now.

Of course I still get the occasional "trigger" & a memory will surface briefly giving me that gut wrenching feeling deep inside but I''m learning to cope with that. Eventually I will be able to look back at our time together & smile but not yet.

I know this experience has changed me in some way as I''m definitely not as trusting as I was, which is sad. But on the plus side, it has made me a stronger person.

It is said that everything happens for a reason & although it took me a while to figure it out I now believe that in some way, although I''ve lost something that was very, very special to me, I''ve reconnected with my family who I''d grown apart from.

So there it is, something positive & I hope I''ve shown that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

  • Vastra1
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15 Mar 14 #425998 by Vastra1
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Great to hear you are doing so well Samz. And can already see the positives like the connections with your family. Please keep us updated as you move from strength to strength.
I wish I could say the same (11 months on) but as you say, it probably is harder with kids as you can''t sever contact, although that would be the quickest path to healing. Instead I will be in regular contact with him for at least 10 more years.

  • flowerofscotland
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15 Mar 14 #426003 by flowerofscotland
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Hi samz,

Thanks for coming back with an update. I am glad that you are making small steps in the right direction. The emotional trauma is hard for us all to deal with and will take time, but you are slowly but surely coming to terms with it.

Vastra, 11 months is no time at all, we all take what it takes and there is unfortunately no bottled cure, please just be kind to yourself, I am still coming to terms with the devastation 4 years on, sorry, but this is a life changing event for all of us and we all move on at our own pace, so you too are making progress, most often not as quickly as we would all like, just shower yourself with TLC!

Take care for now FoS x

  • Hollyxxx
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15 Mar 14 #426013 by Hollyxxx
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Hi samz,

So pleased you are doing so well, thank you for coming back and telling us, as thats just what so many of us need to hear at the moment.


  • sulkypants
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15 Mar 14 #426051 by sulkypants
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I am very glad for you.

My divorce settlement left me asset rich but cash poor

I have to wear a big ring in my finger saying leave me alone because I can''t trust men yet I look very good for my age.

Dispute this I am better.

I like me and my life.

  • Nigella19
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17 Mar 14 #426245 by Nigella19
Reply from Nigella19
I remember you Samz and recall that you certainly had a rough time of it. How happy I am that things are better for you. It''s lovely that you stopped by to let us know.

Onwards and upwards is a popular phrase on here these days, we got it from a wiki''s dear sister who recently passed and it is, of course, most apt. Well you certainly seem to have achieved that and I send you every good wish that it may continue.

Keep in touch


  • samz
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17 Mar 14 #426251 by samz
Reply from samz
Thank you all for taking the time to read & reply to my post. As I said, for a lot of you the the nightmare goes on & I do feel for you all.
I may not be on here as much as I used to be but sooner or later I will have to make our separation legal, which is not something I''m looking forward to, so you haven''t heard last of me yet :)

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