I need some advice about my plans. We have been having Relate sessions, but nothing is changing.
Originally I was thinking that divorce was the only option open to me, but now I am not sure.
I am 58, she is 55, no kids, second marriage which has been for 6 years.
I am going to retire this time next year and travel for a while.
The house we own has had subsidence since we moved in. The insurance company have given up on repairing it and decided to make us a financial settlement. As the policy is in my name the cheque would come to me. We originally thought of buying a second property. Seeing that things are so bad between us I thought I could cut my losses, take the money and start afresh on my own. That would mean that both of us would have a house of approximate equal value. I don’t have to agree to divorce for 5 years, and by then hopefully she will have found someone else to live with. This would have a bearing on my pension which at present is looked on as an asset.
At age 60 I will have a pension I have paid into for 19 years. I understand that she can only have a part of that for the years we have been married, if she wants to pursue this. Would it be worth it? It becomes an income for me at age 60, so does this change things because it is no longer an asset?
You have offered only a snippet of information reference your impending seperation. What is it your wife has done that is so bad that you can now treat her like this?
You say things are now very bad between you but you don't mention her having an affair or her stealing all your money. Have you just grown apart and want different things from life?
Just because the policy is in your name it is still part of the marital pot if you were to accept the financial offer. Again, your pension is part of the marital pot, as is hers if she has one. Although due to the length of the marriage and your ages it is likely only to be linked to the period that you have co-habited and been married.
If you wait the 5 years and your pension is then in payment, I would imagine it will still come into the equation as she will in fact still be your wife.
In order for anyone to provide you with any constructive comments you need to provide some more information.
I can see that you are obviously angry about the way things have turned out. I imagine you having dreams and aspirations about the 2 of you growing old together into retirement and some how you are being robbed of this.
I would suggest that you take time to work through the emotions that seperation and divorce bring and take things slowly.
I will not make further comment as I am unaware of your personal situation, but you must have loved your wife once upon a time.