Got a new friend request today. First one I ever had. Been on wikivorce more years than I care to remember and I have no friends, ahhh poor Nige.
Don''t all rush will you, I am a recluse after all and I want to keep it that way thanks.
Anyway, ''what the ....'', I think, someone DARES knock on Nige''s door.
Click, cautiously crack door open and peer through in best recluse-like manner ... matted wig askew, wafting wee stink.
However, my prospective friend has great news she is sharing with ''all the world'' and Nige, She is going to tell me how to
Get my husband back.
Panic. Delete. Slam door. Bolt. Drag dressing table against. Can''t beat a sturdy dressing table from the op shop to prevent entry. Even if it has only got three legs.
I am sure you all got the same good news.
Lawks a mercy, I need a reviving cuppa - alone thanks.
Stay away - all of you would-be friends. I am warning you, that dressing table lost a leg defending me that''s how brave it is (fib - was skint, got it cheap ''to repair'').
Just the wild and lonely ramblings of a recluse, take no notice of me. Thanks to Eliza for the wig and wee idea. Hey, that''d be a great name for a pub wouldn''t it ''The Wig and Wee''.
Anyone fancy a pint? I''m over this reclusive life.
Nige, on the edge of madness as usual
p.s. Can anyone else think of some good pub names where us lot could hang out ... me and Lizzydoo will be down at The Wig and Wee waiting for your responses. Here''s some:
The Poor Beggar - most of us will have called in there once or twice.
The Paddle and Duck - that''d be the Paddle we were without on that shxtty creek. I won''t spell out the duck cos will get banned, but Haway would call it feck.
And speaking of HRH, the Prince of .... well could be anything really couldn''t it.
Oh Nige, I have missed you. Glad you are back on form!
Yes, the wig and wee. That''ll be me. The wig and wee and me and thee.
I never really got the point of being friends on here although it''s nice to be asked, and now I am feeling unloved because I never got a message from anyone offering me advice on how to get my husband back! Such advice by the way would not be welcome, but I have plenty of other things they could help me with!
I am a well practised joo joo doctor in Black magic voodoo.
I am looking for lovely divorced ladies to be my friends.
Send me £50 and I will make you a voodoo dolly of your ex hubbie so that you can insert needles in its bottom.
This is not spam
His Royal Dr Hawayness xx