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who is being unreasonable?

  • leanne
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31 Aug 08 #44427 by leanne
Topic started by leanne
Hi,

I am 33 years old, me and my partner of 13 years are near splitting up. we have 2 children, 2 1/2 and 7 months. Since having my second boy, everytime i have a drink i have got very drunk on only a few drinks ( i have never been able to take much to drink) we fell out about 5 months ago at a freinds wedding due to me being drunk, and i promised not to have a drink as we have has these arguments in the past becasuse every time i seem to drink, i either never realise when to stop or get drunk really easily. However, i have had a drink on two occasions, one last wek in which i bought a bottle of wine and drunk 3 glasses, threw the last glass out as i felt drunk ( he was on night shift) and he came in to me being alseep and drunk due to this. I really dont know what to do anymore, i am trying not to have a drink, but i miss having even the slightest drink and i am at a stage where i now feel unable to go out and socialise with freinds (although this does not happen very often with two little ones) I was told that -eanting to have this drin k' meant that i was an alcoholic, i know this is not true and that i have a big drink problem....I know i cant handle drink, but i still think he is being really unfair on me, telling me that he will only stay with me if i never have a drink again. I know he gets sick when i do get drunk and he is a good person and a fantastic father, but i feel that it is such a hard bargain to keep, socialising as a family unit only, and almost ommitting all our outside freindships and not enjoying a drink with friends at any time in the future, but at the same time, i desperatly want to keep my family together and love being with him when this issue does not arise! I look at people around me who are out very week drinking, im lucky if in the past before i had my youngest, i would go out once every few months, and very rarley drink in the house.....so apart from the odd time i ery rarely drink and get drunk. my mother thinks he is being unreasonable, and thinks that because he is putting these demands on me it is making the situation harder and thinks that is one of the reasons i felt the need to buy drink last week. i kind of agree, i feel really stressed out about the situation and really dont know where to go now!

I have just recieved an appointment, finsally, to go to relate, but he does not want to go with me as he feels the only problem we have is my drinking.

any advise from an outsider would be really appreciated!

  • topaz
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31 Aug 08 #44436 by topaz
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hi Leanne, i'd like you to read again what you have written yourself in your post as you have answered your own question really.
"I am trying not to have a drink but I miss having the slightest drink."
you realize there's a problem with alcohol but not ready to accept you are alcohol dependent, that's the issue. noeone can help you unless you can accept your problem and get help with it.
It has nothing to do with the amount/volume you drink it's all to do with you needing drink to get you through the day.
The other thing is you have young children so I can understand the worry your husband is feeling when he arrives home and you've been drinking.Are you suffering post natal depression do you think? as baby is quite young it is a possibility and not always immedietely recognised as such.I would suggest ..go and see you doctor be honest and tell him/her what's going on,you need some help with this.
you say you love your husband and children so do this for them and for yourself before it's too late.make that appointment now please!!

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31 Aug 08 #44442 by D L
Reply from D L
Hi there

Not to be judgemental in anyway, but perhaps you want to consider this:

Is it reasonable that you are drunk at home in sole charge of two such young children?

Perhaps the answer to that question may assist you in seeing where he is coming from.

Amanda

  • leanne
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31 Aug 08 #44444 by leanne
Reply from leanne
hi, thanks for your replies, i know that i have a problem with drinking, as i cant drink the slightest since having my little one, but i have olny had a drink on three occasions since having my little boy 7 months ago, and it is not thast i need a drinl to get me through the day at all, but i feel devastated about the fact that i bought wine a few weeks ago, but this is the only time this has happened i usually only drink on social occasions, but do get drunk too easily!

  • NellNoRegrets
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31 Aug 08 #44446 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Hallo and welcome!

People are here to offer support, but you need help. It's no fun coming home to someone who is spark out on the sofa drunk and very worrying if they are meant to be in charge of small children.

I know that being home all day with two young children can be a nightmare. Adjusting to motherhood and its relentless 24/7 demands is tough, plus you have to cope with changing relationship with partner and often a big dip in income.

I have drunk too much on occasions but not when I was alone in the house with small children.

Today I wanted a drink, but resisted it. If you can go a couple of days without a drink, I'd say you are fine. But you can't. You are dependent on alcohol. This is what alcoholic means. You are trying to use alcohol to meet your emotional needs, and it won't.

Please, please see your doctor. He/she won't be judgmental, but will want to help you.

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31 Aug 08 #44448 by Zara2009
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Hi
It sounds to me as though you have a husband that is willing to help you. He is obviously concerned about you and the children, you should appreciate this and grab his support immediately. Drink has a profound effect on a family unit. You do not need to drink, it is not the most important thing in your life, your family is.
If you are aware that you cannot drink much, then stop.
Make an appointment with your dr and ask if your husband will go with you and do it together. If he see that you are really making an effort he will give you all the support you need. When you feel that you MUST have a drink go and look at your babies and just think, if anything happened to them, would you be able to react and make a coherent decision, after having a few glasses of wine.You have too much to lose, so make the first move tomorrow.
Good luck I hope that you will be able to confront this and conquer it.
all the best
zara

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31 Aug 08 #44450 by topaz
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Leanne,
please make that appointment with you doctor tommorrow morning please.

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