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advice needed

  • safenet
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05 Sep 08 #45744 by safenet
Topic started by safenet
Please can you help me.

2 days ago I found texts on my partners phone asking if he 'enjoyed last night, cos I did XXX' and another 'can we do it again'.
My partner said he was away with work.

What do I do, I have sat and starred at him for 2 days, not knowing what to say, do or anything.

What do I do. How can I begin to approach this

  • unic
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05 Sep 08 #45745 by unic
Reply from unic
poor you.

I think the best thing to do is to find a good time when you are together and calmly (if you can!) raise the issue. Explain that you have seen the texts and would like him to explain to you what is going on.
Try very hard to remain calm throughout abd give yourself some thinking time to make sense of whatever it is he says.
Good luck

  • Sun 13
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05 Sep 08 #45764 by Sun 13
Reply from Sun 13
Hi safenet

What a horrible way to find out. You must find the courage to confront him with this. Not knowing can be a lot worse, and can just be delaying the inevitable. Try to make at least a mental list of the things you want to say, and be prepared to stand your ground if he tries to lie his way out of things.

There may be a more innocent explanation to this, but if what he says either doesn't make perfect sense or if it doesn't completley explain the situation, chances are he's lying.

I hope it works out for you

  • safenet
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06 Sep 08 #46090 by safenet
Reply from safenet
4 days now, and I still have not approached him. I have hardly slept the last few nights, just wondering what I going to say. I have written it all down and rehearsed it time and time again, but just cannot come out with it.
I was sat up in bed this morning, around 4am, just watching him asleep. I have lost all respect for him, I am tearing inside.
I just cannot do it

  • NellNoRegrets
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06 Sep 08 #46097 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
If you don't raise the topic you will just carry on churning. Better to know than not to know, I think.

Best wishes

  • SadEyes
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06 Sep 08 #46103 by SadEyes
Reply from SadEyes
Hi there - so sorry to hear of this situation you are in.

The evidence is there and I guess the fact that you have not already asked him about it means you believe the worst. What do you feel in your heart? You have a choice to make. Do you want him enough to forgive?

As he is not aware of your knowledge you have some time to think things through a little. No doubt that his reaction may be denial - how would you deal with that? He could say you are paranoid and suspicious - how would you deal with that? He could admit it and say it is nothing that he loves you and wants to try again - how would you deal with that?

Of course I realise that you are very confused and when 2 children are involved it is always a mothers instinct to try and hold everything together. All I am trying to say is that you can take some control in the situation - by having this time you can have a least some idea of whether the relationship is worth saving - if so what are you going to ask him to do to sort it - you have a right to make some demands. If you decide that whatever he says it's over - make some plans - where will you go - will you take the children? If so you need to have the answers as he may beg you to stay.

None of this takes away any of the pain you are feeling but it empowers you in moving forward. Follow your heart and be true to yourself. Be strong xxxxx

  • Billie12
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06 Sep 08 #46132 by Billie12
Reply from Billie12
if you've got the number ring her - withhold your number! find out what her name is - then you may have an idea if it is someone he works with or may recognise the name.
Then you can find out information - only approach him when you have the facts, it may be harmless - she is texting him - have you looked in the sent messages - to see his replies and in the log of calls - you see I am an expert on this.

once you have gathered your facts, you can ask him direct and be prepared for the answers he will give you.

I feel for you - really I do - been there, done that and it it hurt.
I wish you well and hope that all works out well, keep us informed

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