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Taking in a lodger - WARNING

  • Fed up Dad
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5 years 6 months ago #459813 by Fed up Dad
Taking in a lodger - WARNING was created by Fed up Dad
Hi,
This is not related to a divorce or relationship breakdown but there is a link to my situation.
Due to my financial position, I made a decision to advertise my spare room on a room website. I was able to offer a double room and use of bathroom and kitchen facilities.
A guy responded who lived locally and had just split from his gf. He was looking for somewhere that could also accommodate his 12 year daughter on a part time basis and he also had a dog. We had many conversations before we committed to him moving in and having felt comfortable, he moved in on good friday with my support and transport. Things were going great. He had his daughter the second week of Easter and I had my kids. All of a similar age. I honestly thought I had found the perfect lodger. However, after a few days he started drinking and smoking very heavily. He wasn''t cleaning up after himself and all he was focused on was randomly chatting to eastern european women on facebook. He was arranging for women to come to the property to have an erotic massage and wanted to set a massage table up in my house. I flatly refused for this to take place and that if he had a desire to do such things, he will need to find alternative accommodation. He then started to talk about a swingers website and getting girls round to entertain him. We had two very heated conversations and he understood my point of view. On sunday, his daughter was collected by her mother at 10.30 and he started drinking immediately. That continued throughout the day and when I was out with friends on sunday evening at my local, he came down to join us. We left quite late to go home and he then proceeded to sit in my bathroom having a conversation with a female on loud speaker. This continued downstairs and after the call had finished he asked me again about getting swingers round. Once again we had a heated discussion and I told him that he was only renting a room and not the property. If he continued to make reference to such activities, I would ask him to leave. With that, I took myself off to bed to grab some sleep before work on Monday. At 5am I was woken up by 4 police officers surrounding my bed arresting me on an allegation that I had sexually assaulted my lodger at knife point. He had even planted a knife under my duvet whilst I was asleep. I have now been placed on bail and need to present myself back to the police station in May. I am left traumatised by the events and because of what he has created and the fact my house was raided by police, I am now frightened and paranoid to be in my house on my own.

I wanted to post this on here to share with anyone that is thinking about taking in a lodger. Do your background checks, get as many references as possible and set down the house rules from day one. Keep it on a professional level.

I will never take in another lodger.

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  • Marshy_
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5 years 6 months ago #459815 by Marshy_
Replied by Marshy_ on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
WOW. I live on my own as you well may or may not know. When I was in the old place, I had 3 rooms and I considered a lodger. Just to make ends meet. But I had (and still have) trust issues. I cant do it now as its just two rooms flat.

I hope it gets sorted. Dont tell me he is still there? Marshy.

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5 years 6 months ago #459818 by Fed up Dad
Replied by Fed up Dad on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
He has left the property.
I was released on bail at 2.30 on monday afternoon and I was not allowed back to my house as he was still there. I was taken to my parents and the police went to visit him at my property and informed him I had been released on bail and I wanted full possession of my property at 4pm. My bail conditions state that I am to have no contact with him either directly or via a third party. At 15.26 he tried to call me, at 15.28 he tried again and then again at 15.39. I called the police and reported it. My neighbour called me at 15.45 to say he had left with his dog and laptop but didn''t take any personal effects. The police gave us permission to enter the property on the basis that if he turned up and was becoming a nuisance, to call 999. My house was an absolute tip. He hadn''t trashed anything but it was just messy. He had obviously been smoking in my kitchen as there was cigarette ash all over the floor and he hadn''t packed any of his things. I called the police to inform them that all of his possessions had been bagged up and were being stored in my garage. He tried to call me again later on followed by a text message and so the police stepped in and told him to stop contacting me.

I have been left traumatised. I am scared to be alone in my own home. The nightmare of the police raiding my house has impacted on me so much. I am starting a course of counselling tomorrow through my employer and have had to see my GP to be prescribed beta blockers for panic attacks.

I was too trusting. To think he lived under the same roof as me and my children when I had custody of them makes me feel ill just thinking about what he could have done.

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5 years 6 months ago #459840 by sun flower
Replied by sun flower on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
oh my goodness. I am sorry you have had such a bad time. Thank you so much for sharing. For those of us who cannot imagine treating others with disrespect we find it difficult to deal with those who would. Thank you again. I hope you have some sort of recovery soon.

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5 years 6 months ago #459852 by Action
Replied by Action on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
What a dreadful predicament. I hope everything turns around for you soon. Nothing quite like being kicked while you''re down hey?

Thanks for sharing. Such a dreadful and unimaginable experience.

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5 years 6 months ago #459853 by Fed up Dad
Replied by Fed up Dad on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
It has literally turned my world upside down. I can''t eat, I barely sleep and he has taken away the enjoyment I had living in my home. The events of that night have scarred me. I''m becoming ill with the stress and worry.

I am normally a good judge of character but he fooled me. He is obviously a professional and works the situation.

I shared with him about my divorce situation. How tough the last year has been but I was bouncing back. Aswell as all this happening, My decree nisi is announced on Friday. Too much going on at the same time

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5 years 6 months ago #459872 by Marshy_
Replied by Marshy_ on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
OMG this is awful. And I cant offer any advice as I have never walked in your shoes. All I can say is hold on fella. It will be sorted. Marshy.

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