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Taking in a lodger - WARNING

  • Fed up Dad
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5 years 6 months ago #460132 by Fed up Dad
Replied by Fed up Dad on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
Thanks for the support guys.
The awful situation still continues.
I have taken advice from a local solicitor and this could take months to be resolved.
Meanwhile, the trauma, distress, defamation of character continues.

Not only am I struggling with a messy divorce but having this fabricated allegation on top is just about to tip me over the edge

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  • Crumpled
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5 years 6 months ago #460134 by Crumpled
Replied by Crumpled on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
Hi it must be so horrible for you at the moment but just hang in there I am sure the police will see through the lodgers allegations as it probably isn''t the first time he''s pulled this sort of stroke. Sadly for you it is just playing a waiting game for it to be over.Fingers crossed the police will have some positive news for you soon.
Just vent on here and take advice from your solicitor.
And just take one day at a time step by step
Much love cx

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  • rubytuesday
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5 years 6 months ago #460135 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
I''m sorry that you have had this awful, horrible experience through absolutely no fault of your own. It is hardly surprising that you are traumatised as a result.

Let your solicitor deal with the legal side of things, and you focus on you, have you started the trauma counselling yet? You have had a frightening experience that requires physical, mental, and emotional strength to overcome. Reclaim your home, make it yours again - here are some ideas I''ve thought of:

reinforce your home security (new or additional locks/doorchains) - this will help create a sense of safety.

Don’t be afraid of your home - invite (trusted) friends and family for a coffee or a meal (get them to bring the meal with them), allowing them to share the space with you’ this can help you ease back into feeling comfortable in your home.

Rearrange and redecorate. Leave memories of the traumatic incident behind and reclaim your home by rearranging and redecorating. Moving furniture around, painting the walls, getting new pictures/cushions are all things you can do to give you a refreshing new start

Don''t give in to fear. You’ve been victimised, it’s normal to feel fear. However, don’t let the fear control you. Counter against fear by taking steps to feel more protected, comfortable, and empowered. Don''t let the b*****d take your home away from you.

Continue getting support. Share your experience with trusted family members and friends and ask for support. Speaking about it with others allows you to manage your emotions and find new ways to cope

Resume your routine. Try and get back to your day-to-day routine as soon as possible. This incident has thrown a huge wrench into your daily life, causing a huge disruption. Going back to your routine can help you regain a sense of normality.

This link from the RCPSYCH talks about trauma, and has some useful information - coping after a traumatic event

You are doing all the right things - sometimes it will seem like an uphill struggle as you recover, at others you will feel on the edge; keep going, one day at a time, and you will recover from this. And remember, some people are just nasty and twisted, but mostly people are kind, caring and genuine - don''t let one nasty **** cloud your view of those who are kind and caring.

Take Care.

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5 years 6 months ago #460137 by Fed up Dad
Replied by Fed up Dad on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
Thank you so much.
Your support and kind words are very much appreciated - quite emotional reading it but in a positive way.
I started the counselling last saturday and I have my second session this thursday morning.
I have cleaned the house, and I mean cleaned. Removed all traces of him ever existing there right down to traces of his facial hair, from the bathroom floor. He lived like a slob. Never respected any part of my house. I had thought about rearranging the furniture. The dining room table is the main issue playing with my mind. I can still visualise him sitting at one end on his laptop drinking beer. I am trying desperately to want to like my home again. All windows and doors have been made secure. The outside noises at night still play on my mind and make me edgy but I am hoping that will pass.

Once again, thank you Rugbtuesday

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5 years 6 months ago #460139 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Taking in a lodger - WARNING
Cleaning is good and will help with you reclaiming your home again. As for the dining room table, short of buying a new one, the only thing I can suggest is covering it with a tablecloth to change it''s appearance and make it look different when you look at it. Put a large vase of flowers or a plant on it so that you see them rather than his image. When you are ready, have your meals at the table when the children are with you so you associate it with happy times and your childrens'' laughter :)

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