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Should I intervene

  • julie321
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03 Sep 15 #466305 by julie321
Topic started by julie321
Our daughter has seen her father for the first time today after working away for the summer.
He has really upset her by having a go at her for not attending a family christening which she says she was only invited to because he wasn''t going.
She believes this to be true because when he is attending any family occasion she is not invited as he wants to take OW and she decided 6 years ago when he first left that she did not want to meet her.
She arrived home heartbroken saying she did not want to talk about what had happened and rightly or wrongly I managed to get it out of her. He has also been pressurising her to meet OW but she does not want to and he will not leave this alone.
I do not know what to do for the best and wonder if I should just text him and tell him how upset she is but not in a confrontational way but just to try and make him see that he is pushing her further away whereas if he just left her alone she might come round to the idea of a meeting in time.
Any advise gratefully received.

  • rubytuesday
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04 Sep 15 #466314 by rubytuesday
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I''m sorry to hear that your daughter is upset; it''s very difficult to know what to do when our adult children have a strained relationship with thier other parent.

I would suggest that any attempt you make to intervene will be viewed as interference by your ex. The issues are between him and your daughter, and for them to work at resolving. All you can do is let your daughter know that you are there for her. Perhaps see if your daughter is willing speak to a counsellor to talk through her concerns and worries?

You posted 4 months ago regarding an issue between your son and his father, you said then " I need to back off I know I do" - and I think you know the same applies to your daughter. You are not responsible for the relationship your daughter has with her father - you can''t change it, you can''t guide it along the path you think it should be taking, you can''t involve yourself in that relationship; all you can do is focus on your relationship with your adult children, and be consistently and constantly there for support when they need it.

  • WYSPECIAL
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04 Sep 15 #466316 by WYSPECIAL
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Look at it from his point of view he has been in a relationship for six years and wants people that are important to him to meet her.

If he refused to meet your daughters boyfriend how would she feel?

If your daughter refused to meet your partner of six years how would you feel?

  • julie321
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04 Sep 15 #466320 by julie321
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My daughter would accept his wishes as that is the type of person she is.
I would not push her to meet someone either, she is an adult and who she has in her life is her business.
She does not live in her hometown anyway so it is not as if she sees either of us regularly so partners being around is irrelevant I feel.
I can assure you if my ex did not want someone in his life they would not be in it.
He has already suggested that my children cut me out of their lives and start a new life with OW and him, my son told me this.
Maybe this gives you an understanding of the type of individual she is dealing with.
I just wish him and his family would leave well alone and stop interfering in my daughters life, surely she has the right to decide if and when she will attend any family occasions and if she is only invited when OW is not around how do you think that makes her feel.

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