Hi peeps. Chats here again just asking advice on understanding my 11 yr old boy.
I don't mean animosity or vengeance replays as my boys mum as some know on here as been so horrible to me and very cleverly to my boy.
She has let's him call the shots about almost everything from a young age. Manipulation, reading my (truthful) txts to her. Reading my txt to him. Listening to my chats with my boy on the doorstep hiding round the corner. Lying, stealing, saying things on fb about absent dad's. I've had to do 18 months contact centre just to see him when he was younger. Carcass said it was never a welfare case at all.
So I and my boys mum agreed we will sort his future out between us. Well just a few things..
Not contacted me when schools where being looked at.
Told him to make choices like stay at home and play or see your dad.
Manipulating him verbally and making him feel guilty about seeing me more.
I used to see him 3 times a week. Fantastic. Now as she has said I have road rage and a bad temper, this was in June. This is a terrible lie. How bad is that. So for the last 7 months he's visited me twice.
He won't get in my car? And she won't drop him off. There's 3 drivers in her house and apart from the odd time 1 or 2 visiting me in June, August was the last time he visited. I even got told off for surprising him on his sports day this year. He wasn't there and both him and his mum said on the phone I had no right to go there. Omg. Omg... There's no reason at all why I cant do what I want to. I thought it would be a lovely surprise. But when I got home I rang him and he and his mother went mad. I know she was telling him what to say coz I could hear her in the background. Again manipulation. She either doesn't know it? Or she does and not acknowledging it.
What her mum did to her dad is repeating all over again.
Only this time I want to see my boy and have a great relationship with him.
But ever since in June she said about me having road rage and a bad temper uve seen him at my house twice.
I video call and text weekly but he's 11 and says he's busy.
I understand he's busy.... But not to say happy birthday or receive a card was the 1st time ever.
I ask him to come over even for a couple of hours on a Saturday.. He says every time if I'm not busy.
I also know he likes staying at home.
It's a weird feeling coz he makes every excuse in the book not to come over. Every week. Even on birthdays etc.
So now I only get to hug him on his doorstep and a quick chat.
His mum doesn't encourage him at all. That's why from his early years shes manipulated him. It's so sad. She hates me.....Ok....all I want is a good relationship with my boy.
When we txt he says he loves me. . But when I say I miss him.....He never ever replys.ever with miss you dad.
So basically... .. we were so so close...But now he's very estranged so to say.
Hrs so busy(playing xbox) Saturday's and now he told me yesterday he might be over boxing day, depends if he's busy or not.
I'm amazed, disappointed and flabbergasted how he's treating me now. I know it's her fault, but I also know it's his. He knows what he's doing but doesn't seem bothered at all.
If I stop texting him he doesn't bother at all.
I don't want to lose him but it seems he lives me but isn't really bothered. I know he's 11 and growing up.
But I love him as we all love our children.
Just don't know how or what to do next. Or will he abandon me if I don't txt him every now and then. Will his mum say see.. told you he was no good.
Any positive advice would be great please.
What can I expect maybe in the future?