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Seperation from an alcoholic

  • marky22
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30 Jan 08 #12326 by marky22
Topic started by marky22
I am new to this site and am not used to using these kinds of forums, so I hope that I am doing this correctly.
My wife is an alcoholic and I can no longer deal with what is going on and have decided that I will seperate from her pending divorce.
I have read some info on this site and was hoping that someone who has or is going thru similar circumstances may be able to help or support me as I feel totally alone and unsupported.

  • rubytuesday
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31 Jan 08 #12451 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday

You are NOT alone! I am currently going through the same situation as you, only I am a bit further down the road, as my husband and I seperated at Christmas.

If your wife is refusing all offers of help and treatment, then there is nothing that you can do for her. An alcoholic has to first admit to thier problem, then ask for help before anyone can help them. I know this, because I tried everything to get my husband the help he so despretly needed, but he said he didn't need help.

It gets to the stage where you are not living any kind of life, as everything they do is centered around drinking, and your life is put on hold. You don't have to live like that anymore.

Try www.al-anon.alateen.org for further help, support and advice, they may aslo have a support group in your area.

I am on here most days, so you can either email me or leave me a private message. I do understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic, and how much despair and isolation you feel, but you are not alone in your situation.Be strong.



  • welshguy2008
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31 Jan 08 #12472 by welshguy2008
Reply from welshguy2008

Hi bud,

I know exactly what you are going through. It's a killer and I don't want to put you on an even bigger downer but for me, it still as raw as yesterday in fact I would say it's worse as the realisation of knowing she aint gonna come back is hitting home.

As for the booze side of things, have you sat down with your wife and REALLY explained that her drinking is getting out of hand? The reason for my asking this is that when my marriage started going down the pan I turned to the cans. Every night I would gulp a few, sometimes 4, sometimes 8. I knew my marriage was in ruins and the booze helped ease the pain or helped me bury my head in the sand so to speak.
When we first split up (4 months ago) I really hit the booze big time, but after a few weeks I realised that it was the booze that helped to wreck my marriage and now I just drink socially (1ce a week, 2ce at most) and even then I stay quite sober.
My advice to you would be that you sit down with your wife when she is sober and point blank tell her to cut out the booze or your marriage is over. She may not believe that you will go, in fact I assure you she won't,so you may well have to leave to show her you aren't messing around. If you love her, try and give her as much help as you can...she may well hit the booze even more so when you go just like I did, BUT eventually she may give it up and you can try to rebuild. Do you know what the reason is for her turning to drink? She is obviously hiding from something??
I really hope it works out for you both....

  • soontobefree
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01 Feb 08 #12498 by soontobefree
Reply from soontobefree
Ruby, It looks as tho my situation is similar to yours and Marky22. My husband's drinking has spiralled out of control and I do not know him anymore. He has verbally abused me in so many ways when he is drunk (most days)that I have lost all feelings and respect for him.
He blames me for his drinking and pays for his addiction through credit cards and is in lots of debt. I cannot persuade him to get help, his father was an alcoholic, and does nothing but head for the pub when i try to talk or reason with him.
He saw his GP and did stop for 7 months 3 years ago but is now worse than ever and my life is totally on hold. He has started but not finished (for obvious reasons)an extension on our house so it is not marketable right now so i plan to buy him out and am seeing solicitor tomorrow to arrange a separation and put the house in my name.
How i will physically get him out i do not know as he has no incentive to leave. He pays nothing towards the bills, yet must spend a fortune every day on booze. I resent having to give him a lump sum from the equity as he will just fritter it away but it will be worth it for peace of mind.
I feel worn out, angry, and lonely and I'll take your advice and contact AA for help. Thank you and good luck to both.

  • TMax
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01 Feb 08 #12500 by TMax
Reply from TMax
Know that feeling also :)I resent giving money to my X whose whole family are alchies just for her and family to blow it at my expense, specialy when she coming back for a second bite of cherry after blowing what she orginaly

  • marky22
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01 Feb 08 #12512 by marky22
Reply from marky22
Thanks all for your suggestions of help and support.
The reality though I fear is that its all too late.
We have been going through a rough time over the last five years. My wifes problems are many and complex but her drinking goyt out of control a few years back and she drinks a lot every day all day. She has been in hospital several times her liver is knackered and she has been told that she will die. She has been through detox and has had all of the help and support from all the family that can be thrown at her. She knows full well what the consequences are. She has even been admitted to a mental health ward as well. But she still drinks. I dont love her anymore because of what she turned into I want to get away but I dont know how. I am 47 years old and may have a chance to claw something back from my life. I have two children of my own and a stepdaughter (who lives on her own with a couple of kids of her own). my son who is 26 lives at home still and I have a 14 year old daughter who currently has been badly affected and lives with her stepsister. There are problems with her because she wont go to school and is very depressed. I have been diagnosed with depression. The whole thing is a complete and utter mess and I just dont know where to begin. I have left her once before but came back after promises of reform. We havnt really lived together for over six months because of her stays in hospitol and detox and MH services and also staying with her stepdaughter. Her last admission to hospitol was around four weeks ago and she has been discharged and come back to the house. I went away for a few days but now I'm back, and am arranging to go and stay somewhere else maybe with my Mother or in a hostel. Whilst I was away she tried Overdosing which is the third time in two years. I guess the reality is that we are all waiting for her to die and then try and pick up the pieces. I am trying to get my head round a seperation agreement but I dont know whats fair or not.
Any help will be greatly appreciated.

  • ilapak
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07 Feb 08 #13230 by ilapak
Reply from ilapak
Only just seen this,
From reading your input i can feel what you are dealing with through a lot of my own experiences, With me my first sight of moving forward was to accept that I was totally powerless in anything and to realise that I was important and that without my strength the kids had nothing.
It sound as though it,s very desperate but if you haven,t tried Alanon I believe it,s worth a visit. It helped me though maybe in a strange way. Listening to the people at the meetings made me stronger and drove me to ensure i would not be attending the meetings for too long and still living with the turmoil which it causes.

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