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Hi folks, just wanted to introduce myself.

  • GettingBetter
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14 Feb 08 #13837 by GettingBetter
Topic started by GettingBetter
Started 2007 with the knowledge of my wife’s' infidelity - apparently she was going to tell me in the New Year, but I had already found out at the beginning of December (a few days before our wedding anniversary. Nice). By the time of her departure in March my mental health, as a result of her actions, had deteriorated badly. Struggling to hold onto my new job while looking after our four children, I had treatment for depression and stress in April and May, emergency hospitalisation for suspected cancer in November and job redundancy in December. 2007 has got to be my worst year (keep telling myself it can't get much worse - surely?).

I've got a solicitor who, I have belatedly realised, is about as much use as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking party. My wife has a solicitor who goes for the throat, takes no prisoners and is hell-bent on making our divorce as painful and difficult (expensive?) as possible.

In a matter of a few months my wife went from the lovely girl I married twenty years ago and still loved totally (I asked her to stay despite her infidelity), to an uncaring, thoughtless, scheming, selfish and immoral stranger. Losing her has been for me, much like bereavement.

The scorn, spite, abuse and vindictiveness that she has hurled at me is bad enough, but the fact that she can say with total conviction that she has no responsibility, moral or legal, to the upkeep and welfare of our children just dumbfounds me. She has even told me she is prepared to do whatever is necessary to get what she wants "... even if it means hurting the children".

Having spent the last two decades as the sole income-provider, with an almost non-existent social life outside of the occasions and events that included my wife, I can count my friends (mostly work colleagues) on one hand.

Desperate for advice (I think I've already mentioned that my solicitor is bloody useless, haven't I?), needing to talk to someone (other than my children) about my situation, I decided to have a look on the internet and found... Wikivorce.

If anybody reading this feels they might like to chat, please let me know. In the meantime I will attempt to post the occasional Blog - can't promise too much at this stage.

  • mike62
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14 Feb 08 #13838 by mike62
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Miserable

Welcome to Wikivorce. You will find plenty of new friends here, though not many at 3am. Check back later!
Mike

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14 Feb 08 #13840 by BVG
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Hi fellow member (dont like to call you miserable)
First of all chin up, it does get better albeit slowly. I had, am having the same experience, I was with my wife for 33 years only for her to leave me suddenly. the only differnece is that there are no children involved. She became another person after leaving me and I couldn't see/recognise the person I once loved and knew so well. I am still under treatment for depression some years on and I also have counselling sessions. My doctor recommended it and I find it very useful. Tell us some more about where you are with your separation/divorce. Perhaps we can start to untangle some of the many questions you must have!
This is a great community with excellent advice from professionals and fellow people who have been through the same experience. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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14 Feb 08 #13867 by sallyanne
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Hi Mr M. Sorry that your trust has been abused. I have a theory that people who behave in the way your wife has ie being horrible are just doing it to ease their conscience. If they can convince thamselves that you are in the wrong then all their behaviour is justifiable. I believe deep down they know but this makes it easier for them to like themselves, particularly if they have some nodding dog in the background telling them they are right. I send you my best wishes and also first thing to do be more positive call yourself fab at fifty or something equally flippant - take care

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14 Feb 08 #13869 by gone1
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sallyanne wrote:

Hi Mr M. Sorry that your trust has been abused. I have a theory that people who behave in the way your wife has ie being horrible are just doing it to ease their conscience. If they can convince thamselves that you are in the wrong then all their behaviour is justifiable. I believe deep down they know but this makes it easier for them to like themselves, particularly if they have some nodding dog in the background telling them they are right. I send you my best wishes and also first thing to do be more positive call yourself fab at fifty or something equally flippant - take care


Sallyanne you are so right. Nodding dog sounds like my ex wife (ohh that sounds so good) boyfriend. My ex wife is also a rotwhiler. She also blamed me for everything. I even got blamed for a puncture and that was one of the reasons of her non mol case against me. To say that she tried to destroy me is an understatement.

Miserable you are among freinds who are also going thru degrees of abuse from there ex's or soon to be ex's. Keep your chin up mate. Not all women turn evil. A lot of them would be horified at your treatment. Chris.

  • GettingBetter
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14 Feb 08 #13877 by GettingBetter
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Thanks for your encouragement guys. I deliberated over my screen name for some time and felt that "miserable" pretty much summed up my state of mind.
Who knows, maybe in time I'll need to change the name. BTW sallyanne that would be Fab at forty-six - got to make every year count you know!

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14 Feb 08 #13882 by mummybear38
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Hi miserable (lets hope you can change that cyber name very soon - to once was miserable but now I am happy again (well something along those lines lol)

I have lost count how many times this site has reduced me to tears but has also made me smile when I thought I would never smile again.

You will find very useful information here and a lot of kind souls, broken hearts, mending hearts, confused hearts etc, etc..

Just reading your post made me think of something that made me feel better towards the end of the year when I thought I would never see light at the end of the tunnel ...

"The forces of destruction usually carry within them the seeds of rebirth. Whether or not you realized it, your recovery began from the moment that your marriage ended, from the moment when your great expectations of the marriage went up in flames, even if it seemed that your will and the strength to begin again had been buried beneath the ashes. When the marriage ends, the structure that defined your life is, in effect, raised to the ground. How can that possibly be a good thing? How can the loss of your partnership, with the emptiness and sadness that follow, ever be viewed in a positive light? Here's a statement that may surprise you: "There is a flower that blooms out of destruction, loss, and pain of breakdown. It is called Freedom."

It is true what people say "things will get better" and I know how annoying that phrase is have heard so many times from my friends and family.

Take care, doesn't life begin at 40 miserable so you are still a baby at 46 - it better do as I turned 40 in January LOL.

Kind regards,
Jeannie

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