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Wrote him a beggin letter - no reply

  • stripeuk
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18 Feb 08 #14295 by stripeuk
Topic started by stripeuk
seperated for 5 months and desperate to try again so wrote him a letter telling him how I had changed through counselling and asking could we try again (married for 25 years)asked him to text or e.mail me whatever his reply was. 36 hours have passed and nothing - why is he so cruel, I need to know, how can I move on when I keep wondering "what if and maybe" maybe I should contact him again but how long should I wait, is he thinking about it, is no reply good news or maybe it is terrible and he is ignoring me - so many emotions no wonder I can't eat or sleep. I am so miserable:(

  • Emalou33
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18 Feb 08 #14298 by Emalou33
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It is terrible to think he would leave you in suspense when you were married for so long, my husband also ignores me constantly, and i never get to know what he is thinking, I have got to a point now where i just know it is over as he just does not respond, i have constantly begged and now I feel I have to save myself the pain and i have finally stopped.

i hope he will contact you at the very least it would be the human thing to do, but in these situations it is impossible to tell what will happen next, i have learnt that in my case the less I chase the better.

Good luck and best wishes.xx

  • mike62
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18 Feb 08 #14300 by mike62
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Stripeuk,
Without understanding the circumstances of your breakup, it is difficult to comment on how or what your husband's reaction might be to your letter.

Perhaps something along the lines of 'I'm arranging a meeting with Relate on XX/XX/08 at HH:MM to talk through our separation and wondered if you might be able to make it too?'

It is a closed question, requiring an answer within a timeframe, rather than a very open 'Can we try again?'

Worrying yourself silly is going to do nothing for you. Concentrate on making yourself feel better about yourself. Until you do that, you won't be able to create the right impression with your husband.

He is being very cruel, to keep you hanging on like that. But that said, he is probably finding this very difficult too. Even men have feelings too!

Take care of yourelf,
Mike

  • Chill
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18 Feb 08 #14301 by Chill
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I have been there and now have the T shirt. 5 months is a very short time after such a long marriage. In my case it is now a year after 24 years of marriage. Sadly there is no easy answer. What I have learnt however is that you must keep your dignity and self respect. I do know that doing this can be very difficult and I have done the begging and "I've Changed" bit.Time, as they say is so important. Do not look to far ahead, it becomes scary. I have found that writing my feelings down has helped and having discovered this site recently is helping, even knowing that you are not alone helps. I have had advice from all areas, including professional, in my quest to move on.Some of this I took on board, some I ignored. Still I find talking to my wife difficult. Bottom line is, and it is very harsh, is that you cannot make anyone do what they do not want to. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find true happiness and peace.

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18 Feb 08 #14302 by Chill
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I have been there and now have the T shirt. 5 months is a very short time after such a long marriage. In my case it is now a year after 24 years of marriage. Sadly there is no easy answer. What I have learnt however is that you must keep your dignity and self respect. I do know that doing this can be very difficult and I have done the begging and "I've Changed" bit.Time, as they say is so important. Do not look to far ahead, it becomes scary. I have found that writing my feelings down has helped and having discovered this site recently is helping, even knowing that you are not alone helps. I have had advice from all areas, including professional, in my quest to move on.Some of this I took on board, some I ignored. Still I find talking to my wife difficult. Bottom line is, and it is very harsh, is that you cannot make anyone do what they do not want to. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find true happiness and peace.

  • DownButNotOut
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18 Feb 08 #14303 by DownButNotOut
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StripeUK,

One thing working against you is that 'begging' is not attractive.

If you chase someone you have split from too hard then you are more likely to drive them away than win them back.

It is hard....but the best chance to get him back is to be cool....be distant....and show that you can get on without him.

He has to realise that he wants you.

  • stripeuk
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18 Feb 08 #14322 by stripeuk
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I hear what you are saying but I am so frightened that he doesnt want me it is too hard to be cool. Want to phone or text him but I am going to try my hardest not to. I think Mike62's idea of actually booking an appointment is a good one because I think I definately need more counselling, I've had three online sessions with relate and have booked for a telephone session on Wednesday but I seem to be feeling worse not better.

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