I have been married for 26 years. Recently my husband (P)said he wanted to separate, a decision I have no choice but to accept and now it's been aired, I think he's right, we have been coasting along for a while, with his heart no longer in the marriage. We have two children, 19 and 15 and I am worried about where I can afford for the three of us to live if we split the house 50/50. I won't be able to support them through uni, and I don't want to disrupt my younger child, soon to take her GCSEs. We are both still living at home, hence my login name, I can't stand the atmostphere. We both work and earn roughly the same, but I want to get this finished as quickly and as amicably as possible in the circumstances, but quite frankly don't want to lose out on what I am entitled to, and don't want to disrupt the children more than I have to. Both kids will accept my decision, though and have firmly taken my side, because P has been dreadful to them. We can't afford to buy another house for P without selling this one. I can't afford this house without P's money as well as mine. Please help!
Think I'd be inclined to file for divorce (unreasonable behaviour towards children?) and put house up for sale.
This would initiate financial settlement, you would prob get more than 50%. Would be great to get him out, would he not rent until settlement?
Hello and welcome the site theres plenty of support and help on this site.
Reading the step by step giude to divorce (wiki) so you know what will happen and what it all costs.
You have a son aged 15 his needs are the courts prioity as the main carer you will get CM at 15% of your H net wage.
If you cannot agrea terms with your H (you should try) the court will decide who get what(the fdr) you may well recive more than 50/50 thats the starting piont, enter your details in the wiki calculator that will give you a good idea of who gets what.
The CM will remain untill your son is 18 if he stays in full time education.
Many people find buying their spouse out of the home is the best solution when possable.
Keep posting your questions we will help best of luck
I know just how you feel miss desperate. I'm in similar situation although with younger children - 15 and 10 and I am on a low income. I can't see how we can possibly finance 2 homes when we have struggled to maintain one. Ironically my income, although still low, has recently doubled and become more stable after I managed to get more contracted hours at work and I hoped that it would help to stabilise our finances, allow us to go out more, worry less over cost of holidays etc etc but now I wonder whether it was a contributory factor in his decision to admit he wasn't interested in trying and would leave.
do you have a mortgage? I havn't contacted our lender yet as I haven't been able to gather all the facts and figures but my sister did suggest to me seeing if by extending the mortgage it might bring it down to affordable levels. Or is there another family member who could buy your husband out in return for a share in the equity when the house is eventually sold. I'm not entirely sure how to do this and it would obviously entail obtaining good financial and legal advice but it is something I am going to consider.
I hope you are able to sort something out and will watch your progress with interest. good luck
I should have said, I only get access to the computer infrequently. It's in our (old) room, and I've moved into my daughters while she's away. I have now managed to use the calculator, the first couple of times, it denied me access. i must say the figures seem optimistic 30/70 split of the house, but perhaps I could use it as a starting point for negotiation. What I can't do is let him know what I want, because he would just do anything to put obstacles in my way.It's obviously not enough to wreck my life, he's going to make sure my quality of life is affected too. I really appreciate your help and words of encouragement, hope all is ok with you.